


Yesterday's A Dream

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Canon, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-08-20
Updated: 2003-08-20
Packaged: 2018-12-27 12:59:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 25,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12081537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Brian and Justin haven't seen each other since a month after the Rage party... Justin's art exhibit brings them together, but how will they cope with that?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

As I stared in the window of the fashionable New York art gallery, I realized that I had made the right decision all those years ago. It had been five years since I had pushed Justin off the proverbial cliff and in extension, out of my life. And a long five years it had been. Justin probably still didn’t even realize that I had planned the whole thing. I told Linds and Mel to send Justin to find me, I seduced the guy dressed as Rage, and I planned on getting caught doing it so that Justin would run into the arms of the fantastic fiddler.

It was an inspired plan, in my opinion. I fucked myself that night… And all so that Justin could live his dreams, grow up, and find out who he was. Don’t assume that I’m taking credit for the awesome success that Justin has become. I’m not. I just knew that Justin could be something great. I also knew that if he and I stayed together, he wouldn’t get to do all the things he dreamt of doing.

So I sent him away. 

And it nearly killed me.

But I was right.

So, five years after our quasi-relationship came to an end, I was standing outside the chic gallery looking in at Justin’s first big opening. I suppose that was how it had been for those last five years, and it’s what I’d become accustomed to. Looking in at Justin’s life from the outside. I had kept tabs on him over the years, having had an almost compulsive need to know that he was all right, but I had never taken steps to contact him. And vice versa.

The last time I’d even seen him in person was the night about a month after the infamous RAGE party when he came by the loft to drop off a cheque for the tuition money he owed me. Apparently, upon hearing that the “child molester” was out of his son’s life, Craig had agreed to pay Justin’s tuition. Apparently, Craig Taylor was actually fond of the fantastic fiddler.

Since that day, not a word was exchanged between the two of us. And now, standing outside the gallery watching him sip champagne and smile with all of our old friends, I wasn’t sure that I wanted to talk to him again. I was terrified to even let him know that I was here. It made me feel weak and I didn’t like it.

I knew Justin had a boyfriend. I had been subjected to hearing all about him from Emmett, who apparently talked to Justin on a regular basis. Marc. Curly haired, fresh-faced, bright eyed, adorable Marc. He and Justin had been together for over a year and, from what Emmett told everyone, the couple seemed to be blissfully happy in their little homo love bubble. Justin had everything he wanted, the successful art career and the perfect man. I wanted to be happy for him, I really did. And I tried… didn’t work.

I asked myself, once again, what I was doing at Justin’s opening. Finding the invitation in my mailbox just over a month earlier, I’ll admit, threw me and I promised myself that I wouldn’t attend. When I found out that I was going to be in New York on business that week anyways, I figured I had an excuse to attend without having to make special travel plans. But still, I was standing outside and I couldn’t make myself go inside. It felt like I was watching a movie. All of the beautiful people were inside smiling and happy, and I was on the outside living my mostly unhappy life. And I couldn’t make myself move to go in. Deciding that I was just going to leave before anyone saw me, I straightened my coat and turned on my heel to leave. I didn’t want to open up any old wounds by seeing Justin again. It had taken me too long to make them scar over to make them bleed again.

“Brian!” I heard his familiar voice call from behind me. For a moment I considered pretending not to hear and continuing to walk away, but decided against it. 

I turned to face him slowly; afraid that looking at him up close, without the window keeping him inside, would bring back old feelings. He was dressed very “artsy” in his slim black pants, charcoal gray cashmere sweater, and leather coat. He looked good. His cheeks were pink from the autumn chill in the air, his eyes were wide, and his expression was mixture of hurt and confusion.

“Hi, Sunshine.” I said quietly.

“You weren’t going to come in.” It wasn’t a question. I knew that he had seen me through the window and, knowing how perceptive he was, saw my inner battle before I turned and walked away.

“Nah.” I shook my head, trying to keep it emotionless.

“Why not?”

I shrugged, trying to think of a suitable “Brian Kinney” response. “It’s getting late and I figured I’d go hit the clubs while I’m in town.” 

“You haven’t changed, have you?” Justin shook his head and frowned.

I frowned too, wishing that I had the courage to show him how much I had changed. In the five years since we last spoke, I had become the man he needed me to be then, but I wasn’t willing to admit it. “Who needs to change? The way I live my life makes me happy.” Another lie.

“You’re really happy?” There was a definite vulnerability about Justin that I remember from those first months that we knew each other, but that I thought I had snuffed out and replaced with cynicism.

“Of course I’m happy.” I shrugged. I wondered if he knew the truth. I wondered if he knew that I buried myself in my work, so that I didn’t have to face the reality that the life that made me happy for so many years had ceased being enough. In an attempt to get the conversation off the topic of my happiness quotient I asked, “So, are there any paintings of me naked on the walls in there?”

“A couple.” Justin grinned, obviously a little embarrassed.

“Anyone buying?”

"Those ones aren’t for sale. Although, there’s one that I’m pretty sure Michael is vying for.” He chuckled for a moment before his face turned serious again. “I guess you wanna get going to the clubs.”

“Yah.” I nodded, thinking on my feet. What would the old Brian say? “Gotta get there before all the hot guys are taken.” 

“Thank you for coming… Even if you didn’t come in.” Justin smiled and I felt my heart clench.

“It was good seeing you, Justin. Congratulations on the show.” I said, sticking out my hand awkwardly to shake his. It felt really odd to offer my hand to Justin like that, so I was glad when he stepped closer and wrapped his arms around me in a tight hug.

“It was good seeing you too, Bri.” Justin seemed to hold on for a few moments longer than I had expected him to, but I actually didn’t mind. After we let go of each other, we stared for a couple of seconds before he turned and walked inside.

***

Sitting alone in my room later that night with my good friend Jack Daniels, I lost myself in memories of Justin. It had been a long time since I had let myself remember. I suppose it was seeing Justin earlier that night that brought the memories to the surface. I could still feel him pressed up against me in that hug on the street. I could feel the softness of his cheek against my own, the firm muscles in his arms that had replaced the soft flesh that was once there… As I lost myself in the memories, I slipped one hand slowly down over and my chest and abdomen and undid the silver buckle at my waist.

I was barely aware of my own actions as I pictured Justin and me entwined together in my bed at the loft. The images running through my mind were making me ache. I didn’t even realize that I had unbuttoned my pants until I grasped my hard cock and a soft moan escaped my lips.

As I stroked myself, I closed my eyes and images floated through my mind. Memories of Justin and I fucking intertwined with images of holding him in the middle of the Manhattan street. I could almost smell him and feel his body against my own. Remember the feeling of him again caused fresh beads of pre-cum to seep from my slit. I collected it with my finger tips and rubbed it over the length of my cock, making my soft ministrations easier. I pictured Justin on his knees in front of me, teasing me with his hand, looking up at me before opening his mouth and pulling my cock inside. 

I moved my hand up to my chest and pulled gently at my nipples, alternating between one and the other. Normally I would try and prolong it more, but all I wanted at that moment was release. I moved my hand a little faster, a little tighter on my pre-cum soaked cock, striving for the release my body was begging for. I threw my head back and concentrated on the sensations and the vision of Justin beneath me with his head thrown back in ecstasy as I brought myself closer and closer. Pre-cum oozed from my slit now and ran down the length of my cock as I pumped faster and faster.

Just as I felt my body tense and my toes curl and I felt myself about to cum, there was a loud knock on the door. “Fuck!” I practically screamed, as I was snapped from my masturbatory bliss, angry at being interrupted. I stood and pulled my jeans back up to my hips and buttoned them up. “I’m going to hurt you, Mikey.” I grumbled as I walked to the door. “What the fuck are you…” I started as I swung the door open, expecting to see Michael on the other side. Instead, I found Justin standing there looking nervous.

“Uhm, hi.” Justin bit his lip and lowered his lashes. My now softening cock jumped in my pants and I willed it to stay down. “Uhm, Michael told me where you were staying. Don’t be mad at him. I had to bribe him.” 

“You paid him?” I asked raising an eyebrow.

“I gave him the painting he wanted.” Justin admitted.

“I thought you didn’t want to part with that one.” I couldn’t help but feel a little hurt that Justin would give the painting of me away.

“I’d rather have the real thing than paint on a canvas.” Justin admitted quietly.

I felt myself soften a little but then I hardened myself again. I didn’t want to let him get to me only to have him leave again. “So, does your boyfriend know that you’re paying me this little visit?”

“My ex-boyfriend moved to Los Angeles about a month ago.” Justin said as he ducked under my arm and into the room.

“What the fuck are you doing?” I asked, still standing in the doorway in shock. I couldn’t understand him.

“I’m coming in for a drink.” Justin said, sitting down at the table.

“Ok.” I said slowly as I closed the door and walked over to sit across from him. Feeling like I was going to need it, I gulped down my Jack, feeling it burn as it went down, and poured myself another. “What are you doing here, Justin?”

“It’s been a long time, Bri. I wanted to see you for more that five minutes.” Justin shrugged.

“So… you wanna… talk then?” Justin nodded. “So talk.” I didn’t know what he wanted to talk about and I didn’t feel like dancing around with small talk so I decided to let him start.

“Uhm, what are you up to these days? You know, with work.” Justin asked me uncomfortably. I wanted to laugh.

“Did you really come here to play catch up time and reminisce on the shitty old days?” I asked with amusement.

“Brian…” Justin started playing with the delicate chain at his throat. I didn’t know where to go with the conversation so I stayed silent. Normally I would have taken an opportunity like this to get the younger man into bed, but for some reason that didn’t seem like an option, no matter how much I wanted to be inside him again.

“For five years we haven’t spoken a word, we haven't written or emailed, or even told our friends to say hi for us. So why now?” I asked, feeling emotions begin to rise inside me.

“I wanted to call you so many times, Bri. But… Life went on.” Justin shook his head and looked defeated. 

“Yes, that it did.” I gulped down another glass of Jack.

“Are you with anyone?” 

“Am I with anyone?” I asked sardonically. “Do you remember who you’re talking to, Sunshine?”

“Last I heard you were seeing someone. Kevin?”

"You asked about me?” I had to admit I was surprised that he knew anything about my life, but then it dawned on me. Emmett. I was right.

“Emmett tells me what’s going on in the Pitt.” Justin looked up at my seriously. “But he didn’t tell me whether that’s still a thing.”

“It’s not.” I poured myself another Jack, but added some coke to it this time, needing to stay in control.

“I… uhm… hear you’re in New York a lot on business.” Justin was attempting to carry the conversation and I almost felt bad for not helping him.

“Uh huh.” Not bad enough apparently, though.

“Maybe we could have dinner next time you’re in town?” Justin suggested.

“What the hell is this about, Justin?” I demanded, angry that he was trying to be my friend. I didn’t understand how he thought that would be possible.

“What’s what about?” He asked, startled.

“You. Coming here. Acting like we’re friends.”

“Brian…” He began, but I didn’t let him finish.

“Five years ago you handed me a fucking cheque and walked out of my life without so much as a backwards glance or a phone call along the way. And now you come here…” I cursed myself for letting my emotions out the way that I was and I stopped dead.

“You think it was easy for me?” Justin demanded, angry himself now.

“It didn’t seem particularly fucking difficult!” I exploded, turning to look at him.

“Well, news flash! Leaving you was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do! And don’t act like you begged me to stay! You practically packed me up and pushed me out the door!” Justin stood and walked over to where I was leaning against the wall now with my drink in hand.

“You’re blaming me for the fact that you cheated and ran off with the fantastic fiddler?” I’m sure my eyes were blazing at this point. “You moved on to bigger and better.”

“I loved you, for fuck sake, and you couldn’t even give me monogamy!” Justin pushed his hand through his hair with frustration.

With all of the left over hurt and frustration coursing through me, I forgot to keep the mask on and I let my feelings pour out. “I gave you a hell of a lot more than you gave me.” I said coldly.

“What? Money and a place to live?” I could see the regret on Justin’s face even as he said the words. He had essentially accused me of keeping him as my whore.

“Fuck. You.” I slammed my drink down on the dresser.

“Brian, I’m sorry.”

“For what? Are you sorry for making me feel something that I promised myself I wouldn’t feel and then walking out when you didn’t get your way? Or are you sorry for saying something you’ll regret in the morning?” 

“Brian…”

“Answer the fucking question.”

“Yes! I’m sorry I left! But you didn’t give me a reason to stay!”

“Is that what it was about? You wanted me to give you a reason to stay?” I had always wondered if the fiddler was just a tool he was using to try and force my hand.

“Yes!” Justin practically screamed. “I wanted you to at least tell me that you wanted me around, that I was something more than a convenient fuck.”

“Obviously we were in two very different relationships.” I said sadly. I had always believed that I had showed my feelings through my actions. I broke all of the rules that, prior to his crashing into my life like a fucking crane, I had lived by. I even followed the stupid relationship rules that he set. “Let me tell you a little story. One day I got a new boss, and in order to keep my job I had to take a little trip when my boyfriend and I were supposed to take a holiday together. My boyfriend threw a tantrum and went on our holiday alone. Didn’t even leave a note.

“So then when I came home to celebrate my promotion with the one person I wanted to share it with, he was gone. I was saying, 'Your partner just made partner' to a great big empty loft. I had to find out from my friends where he went. And then my boyfriend came home in a mood because I wouldn’t tell him that I missed him.” I turned away from him then, unable to believe that I had actually opened up to him the way I had. Obviously the Jack was lowering my inhibitions.

“Your partner?” Justin asked.

“Yes, my fucking partner.” My voice was cold and quiet. “But apparently my partner felt different. A few weeks later he was fucking… oh sorry, making love with the oh so tortured, impoverished fiddle player.” The sarcasm dripped from my voice.

At this point, I had already let him see more of me than I ever had before. I stopped caring what I was saying. In some fucked up way it felt good to purge all of the emotional baggage that I had been carrying around for five years.

“Brian, I…” 

“You what? You had no idea? Were you fucking blind? Everyone else could see it! Why couldn’t you? You needed the words and the fucking picnics on the floor and the roses?”

“I can’t change it now.” Justin sat back down at the table and poured himself some Jack Daniels as well.

“I’m not asking you to change it! I’m asking you to take some responsibility for your part in the demise of our so-called relationship.” I had to sit down; I was exhausted from letting so much emotion out.

“I do take responsibility.” Justin sat down next to me and I looked at him surprised by the move. “I’ve grown up a lot in the last five years and I realize that I fucked up. I was the one who gave up.”

“Then why are you here?” I asked, afraid of the answer.

“I missed you. I hoped that by coming here I could have you back in my life, if only a little.” Justin sighed. “Apparently, I was wrong and I still have a lot of growing up to do.”

For long moments after he said those words, we stared at each other in silence. Suddenly, as though we were both possessed, we attacked each other’s mouths with our own. Our tongues intertwined in passionate, erotic kisses.

“I want you!” Justin panted, breaking the kiss for only a moment. The barely whispered words set me on fire and I wrapped my arms around Justin and flipped him under me on the bed. 

“Are you sure?” I asked, needing to be sure before I got to the point of no return. 

“I’m sure!” He practically screamed, pulling my mouth to his. “I need you.” 

With that cue, I began undressing him and assaulting his body with wet kisses and soft bites, causing him to arch his back in pleasure and beg for more. As I licked around his left nipple and then caught it between my teeth, a loud moan escaped his lips. 

“More, Brian!” He begged, but I felt like making him wait a little longer. 

I moved my mouth to the other nipple and teased with feather light flicks of my tongue before catching it between my teeth and biting down. I used my other hand to pinch his other nipple before licking and nibbling my way further down his torso.

When his hands moved down to unbuckle his pants, I caught both of them in one of my own and held them above his head. “No.” I said firmly as I circled my tongue around his belly button. “If I let your hands go, are you going to leave them where they are?” I asked as I gently outlined his hard cock through the soft wool of his pants. He nodded and I grinned.

I could feel him squirming as I gently, teasingly stroked him through his pants. When I moved my mouth away from his belly button and caught the head of his cock between my lips through the material, he moaned. “Oh, Brian!”

It was a sound I had missed and it encouraged me to move faster. I quickly unbuckled his pants and removed them, leaving him naked before me on the bed. “God, you’re still fucking beautiful.” I breathed as I ran my hands all over his body, trying to memorize every ridge and curve.

“So are you.” He pulled me down for a kiss and slipped his hands up under my shirt, rubbing his hands over my flesh. I abruptly stopped him and put his hands over his head. 

“I’m in charge.” I reminded him roughly as I moved my mouth down over his torso, stopping to nibble on his hipbones before running my tongue over the head of his cock.

“Ungghh!!” He moaned. As I ran my tongue up and down the shaft and gently licked his balls he was quivering, needing more than the teasing licks. After I felt that I had teased him enough I captured the head of his dick between my lips. “Ohhhh!”

As I expertly worked my magic on his dick he became more and more vocal, his moans and pleas making my dick hard as a rock. When he moaned my name and begged me to fuck him, I lost it. I quickly shed my clothes, grabbed a condom and lube, and rejoined him on the bed.

“Don’t make me wait, Brian.” He panted, laying on his back and pulling his knees up to his chest. 

“Patience, young grasshopper.” I teased, slapping his ass playfully. 

As I prepared him with the lube and my fingers, he begged me more and more urgently to fuck him. When I finally knew he was ready, I positioned myself at his entrance and pressed myself inside him. It was like the first time and I couldn’t help but close my eyes and pause a moment reveling in the feeling of his tight, warm hole incasing my cock. When Justin started rocking against me, I grabbed his hips and started fucking him with all I had. We were both moaning and panting, sweat pouring from our bodies as we lost ourselves in each other.

As my orgasm approached I pushed as deep into him as I could and felt his body tense, clenching his muscles around my cock, milking it. “Oh fuck!” I moaned as I felt release. As I collapsed on top of him, not caring that I was getting sticky from his cum.

“That was in-fucking-credible.” Justin breathed, closing his eyes. I closed my eyes, exhausted from my own release, and let myself drift off the sleep. 

When I awoke, the morning sun was streaming in through the big windows that covered one entire wall of my suite. I knew he wasn’t next to me anymore and I wondered if the previous night had all been a dream…

I turned and on the pillow on which he slept sat a small white card. Printed was his name, phone number, and email address. I picked the card up and flipped it over in my hand. On the back, in Justin’s bubbly scrawl was written, “Call me. Don’t let this be the end.”

I lay back on the pillow and closed my eyes. I didn’t know what I was going to do. So I just reveled in the memories and let myself drift away, trying not to think about calling him and not letting last night be the end, unsure of whether I could let it be a beginning.


	2. Chapter 2

Brian POV

Three days had passed since that night with Justin in New York I still hadn't decided whether or not I should call him. On the one hand, if the sex was any indication, we had the potential to be great again. I mean, maybe he was the missing link to my being happy again. Truth be told, the happiest I'd ever felt was when he and I were together, before all the lies and the anger. On the other hand, it could fall apart again and I'd probably be more miserable than ever. So there I was, sitting at my desk, flipping his card between my fingers, wondering whether I had the strength to call him.

In those three days I had become a lot more honest with myself, probably the best thing to come from seeing him again. Before hashing things out with him I had nearly convinced myself that, while I had been happy with him in our time together, I was never in love with him and there were no left over feelings for him. In truth, there had never been any closure and my feelings had never been resolved. While I never went back to being the Brian Kinney of old, I stopped letting people in. I even pushed Michael away to a degree.

Being with him again, feeling him against me, hearing him cry my name when I touched him, it all brought those old feelings to the surface. Not the angry feelings, those came out earlier in the evening. No, being close with him again brought back all those happy feelings... I felt like I was loved again. And while I hated to admit it, it felt to good to feel like I was important to someone again. Which brings me back to the dilemma that I found myself in. Could I put faith in those feelings and let myself put faith in Justin again, or was I better off to call it closure and leave him in the past.

That night, when he and I were in bed together... I can’t stomach either the term "fucking" or "making love" when it comes to what we did that night, so I'll just refer to it as "when we were in bed together"... I tried to give myself the illusion of control. I took charge and led the way, but now that I was being honest with myself, I had to admit that it was just that, an illusion. Had Justin even attempted to take the lead, I probably would have let him. Happily. It's always been like that. He let me believe I was in control, but we both knew that I wasn't. 

He always did know me better than I knew myself. That morning, when I was driving him to school, when he told me that he was onto me... I was so scared that he was right and I was terrified of what that meant.

We were always so dramatic, when we were together, never quite ready to leave the soap opera behind and move on into the real world. We made life so complicated, always in search of drama. Nothing was small, we both made everything so huge, took everything so personally. I suppose that was what made us fall apart. Justin was sick of the drama and in search of something simpler so in a grand gesture, keeping with the drama, I pushed him away. He left the drama behind, and I wallowed in it.

It's strange to finally admit your feelings to yourself after pushing them down so that you couldn't even find them for so many years. I really did believe that I didn't love him. I guess it was because it wasn't what I had learned "love" was. I always thought that love was a weakness, that it made you lose yourself. With him, it wasn't like that. It was everything... it was pleasure and pain... it was silence and deafening noise... it was happiness and it was pain... But it was never weakness... I never let myself be weak... 

I wasn't sure whether I liked letting my feelings free. I had to admit, it was less work than keeping everything bottled up inside, using all of my strength to push it away. The problem with acknowledging how you feel is that it's a lot harder to control the feelings once you realize that they're there.

So there I was... Stuck between an ending and a beginning unsure of which road to take. I was never one to believe that things happen for a reason. If I was that type of person, I'd probably be even more unhappy that I already was. No, I believed that you make your own happiness, and in turn that I had made my own unhappiness. But I was starting to wonder whether it was coincidence or fate that Justin had come back into my life at a time when both we were at a place where it had the potential to work out.

"Brian?" My musings were interrupted when Cynthia buzzed in to my office. I was a little annoyed at being interrupted when I felt so close to making a decision.

"Yes?"

"Lindsay is here to see you." She had taken to calling Lindsay by her first name since they had become good friends after Linds brought Gus in to my office one Friday afternoon to drop him off for the weekend.

"Send her in." I rubbed my eyes and ran a hand through my hair. I had been avoiding "the gang" since returning from New York, wanting to prolong the interrogation about Justin bribing Michael for my room number as long as possible. Knowing my friends, they already had us picking out china patterns and inquiring about adopting.

Lindsay walked into my office with a knowing smile and I knew that my avoidance wouldn't last much longer. Lindsay had a way of making me do and say things that I wouldn't do or say for anyone else. "Hi, Bri." She said as she walked around my desk to press a kiss to my cheek before moving to sit across from me.

"Hey, Linds." I forced a tight smile. "What brings you out to this neck of the woods?"

"Just thought that you and I could maybe grab some lunch and have a little chat." She was grinning like a Cheshire cat. "I haven't seen you since before the opening in New York."

"It's only been three days. Are you going through withdrawal symptoms already?" I asked raising an eyebrow. "I thought dykes were immune."

"Just curious to know why you've been hiding these last few days. We've noticed your absence." I could tell by the look on her face and the look on her face that she was itching to get down to the gossip.

"Been busy." I shrugged, trying not to let on that I knew what she was up to, that would have implied that there was something to hide. "I do have a job you know."

"So, have you talked to Justin since you got back?" Yup, when Lindsay cut to   
the chase, she cut to it with a great big butcher knife.

"Now, why would I have talked to him?" I asked, sitting back in my chair trying to appear casual.

"Listen, Bucko. We all know he went to your room after the opening!" All pretense of a casual "chat" was lost.

"Who's 'we all'?" I was trying to avoid talking about my "visit" with Justin for as long as humanly possible.

"Brian Andrew Kinney! Cut to the chase! You know exactly who 'we all' is!" Apparently Lindsay was getting annoyed at not getting the goods straight off.

"Yes, he came to my room." I only confirmed what she already knew, and was sure that she would call me on it.

"And...?"

"And what?"

"Brian, you and I both know that you two didn't sit down, have a drink, and reminisce on the bad old days." Lindsay was tapping her foot with impatience. "That's not, nor has it ever been your style."

"My style? Are you expecting me to tell you that I dragged him into the room and ravished him until morning and then kicked him out on his butt before sunrise?" I asked, feeling the anger and hurt build inside me.

"I can't say I'd be shocked."

"Well, that's not what happened. So be shocked!" I stood and started pacing, hurt that she thought so little of me, and of my feelings for Justin. That emotion surprised me. Hadn't I been hiding my feelings for Justin since the day I met him?

"Well, what happened?"

"We talked. We argued. We... We fucked." I cringed at the word, still not feeling that it was the right word for what we did.

"And that's it? It's over?" Lindsay asked, shock apparent on her face.

"I don't know." I said quietly, finally letting the facade drop. "He left it in my hands." I grabbed the card off my desk and handed it to her.

"What, exactly, don't you know?" She asked after reading what he'd written.

"I don't know if I want to get into the same old shit with him." I said, exasperated. "We're both too old for all the drama."

"What makes you think it would be the same?"

“I don’t know. It’s been a long time, Linds. He and I are both different people now.” I admitted, not feeling completely comfortable with being so honest with another person. I was starting to feel sort of like a woman… or Emmett… making every little thing into a tragedy.

“Well, well, well, Brian Kinney is thinking with his head instead of his dick for once.” Lindsay nodded her approval. I couldn’t help but feel a little hurt that she still thought of me as the pre-Justin version of myself. I hadn’t been that guy for a long time.

“Well, that’s insulting.” 

“I’m sorry, Bri. It’s just a little disconcerting to see you thinking beyond the sex.” Lindsay’s intentions were obviously to make the situation better, but I was still annoyed at what she thought of me.

“Sex has never been a problem for me, Linds, and it has very little to do with whether or not I want to be in a relationship with Justin again.” I couldn’t believe that I was speaking so freely what I was feeling, no barriers.

“I’m proud of you, Brian Kinney.” Lindsay smiled.

“For what?”

“For leaving Peter Pan in the past.” Lindsay smiled and came over to hug me.   
“Whatever you do, I know it’ll be the right thing for you.”

“Now, are you going to be sharing this information with ‘we all’ or can I trust that this will stay between the two of us?” I asked, afraid that if everyone knew, I’d never be about to protect myself again.

“Cross my heart and kiss my elbow.” Lindsay grinned. “So, how about lunch?”

***

Sitting alone in my loft later than night, looking down at the card in my hands, I was still at the same crossroads I had been at since returning from New York. During my lunch with Lindsay we had cautiously avoided bringing Justin up again. Instead we filled our conversation with discussions of the group I was officially calling "we all".

Apparently, Emmett had another new love. A businessman he met at a club in New York. They were trying to continue a long distance relationship and Emmett was tortured after three days of being apart from his love... who he had only known for five days. I inserted the appropriate sarcastic remarks and we moved on.

Ted was still fucking the pool boy while his dutiful 'wife' kept their house and watched over their adopted daughter, Ling. Yup, that's right, Theodore Schmidt was living the high life off his porn business with his lover, Jason, and the pool boy, Javier.

Michael and Ben were still going strong. They were starting to remind me of the munchers, to be honest. But apparently Ben wasn't too impressed with Michael putting the painting that Justin had bribed him with in his office. According to Lindsay, it was all a big drama.

On the Lindsay and Mel front things were apparently "just lovely". Melanie was working shorter hours and spending more time with Lindsay and Gus. Lindsay told me that Gus missed his Daddy very much and made me promise to come for dinner later in the week.

Lucky for me, we were finished lunch by the time the conversation ran dry and I got out of there without another mention of my situation with Justin. It actually seemed like Lindsay was giving me some credit and not trying to "help" in my decision-making. At the time, I was glad of that. But sitting alone in my loft, still unsure of what to do, I wondered if it would have been better if Lindsay had put her $.02 in.

Being alone again, however, brought my thoughts immediately back to Justin. I knew that if and when I did call him, I'd find myself falling back into a relationship with him, with no way of stopping myself. That's how it was with Justin, how it always would be. I needed to be sure that was what I wanted before I walked towards the ledge.

I wondered what Justin was doing at that exact moment. Was he thinking about me too? Was he sitting on his couch flipping the phone from hand to hand, as I was doing his card? Or had he given up on me already? I started to wonder what I would have done were I in Justin's situation. I wanted to believe that I wouldn't be waiting, but then I looked at myself, consumed with thoughts of him, and I knew that I would be.

I stood and walked over to the radio, turning on the local rock station. As I sat back down and took a sip of the glass of Beam on the table next to me, I started to drift away into the lyrics of the song that was playing. I could have been singing them myself. They were exactly how I'd always felt about Justin and I immediately made my decision. I wasn't going to call.

I ran to the computer and searched the Internet for the lyrics and eventually downloaded the song. I played it over and over as I stared at Justin's card and at the computer screen. I knew that I was making the right decision. If I called, it wouldn't work. I'd say the wrong thing, or get angry, and it would all be ruined. No. I wasn't going to call him.

***

Justin POV

Four fucking days and not a word from Brian. I was beginning to resign myself to the fact that he was never going to call, that it was truly over this time. The last time, he made his grand gesture by fucking Rage, but in the end I had taken the situation into my hands, and left him. This time I had decided that I wanted him to make the decision.

Leaving his room that morning had been so difficult for me. After spending the night with him, feeling him again, I never wanted to be away from him again, but I knew that I had to let him make the decision. I needed him to choose me. It may have been childish, but the only thing I've ever wanted was for him to choose me, and I never felt like he did.

After waiting and waiting for him to call though, I was ready to give up. I wanted to pick up the phone and beg him to want me again. I was afraid that he was too angry with me leaving, five years ago and the night in New York. I was going to just leave my card on the pillow, I was almost out the door before I turned around and grabbed the pen. I wanted him to know what I wanted so he wasn't making his decision blindly.

So there I was, sitting in my studio, completely stalled as far as my art went, with one eye on the phone at all times. I didn't even dare turn on the stereo or TV in fear that I would miss the call. But he wasn't calling. I was starting to realize that.

Suddenly, it was there. The urge to paint welled up inside me and I hurried over to my easel, anxious to put what I was feeling onto paper. The feelings that came from me were all blue and green, they were sad. And then there were the reds and oranges, that was the love. Several hours later I looked at what I had created and I felt emotion well up inside me and I started to cry. 

On the canvas was Brian. Not the Brian that everyone saw, I knew that wasn't real. No, on this canvas was the Brian that I knew and loved, the part of him that had always been reserved just for me. And the canvas also held strokes of my regret and sadness over what my feelings for him had become. Something that had once made me so happy, now brought me more pain that I had ever experienced in my life. 

As the tears poured from my eyes I started to laugh at myself. I suppose I must have looked kind of crazy, on my knees in front of a painting crying and laughing hysterically all at once. But it was all I could do. There, on the canvas in front of me, was the proof that I still wanted and needed him more than anything. This was one painting that I would never sell. It was all mine.

The familiar, but still immensely irritating sound of "You've Got Mail" came from my computer, and roused me from my crying/laughing fit. I shook my head and walked to the computer, still glancing back at the painting as I walked. I looked at my inbox and was surprised to see a message from Brian.

To: jtaylor@artnet.com  
From: bkinney@thepitts.com  
Subject: I couldn't call

I knew I'd mess everything up if I called. I've never been able to tell you what I was feeling and what I wanted unless it was written down. Let me tell you what it was that tipped the scales and made me write this. For the last four days I've been staring at your card wondering whether calling you would be for the best. And then, last night, I was sitting here and I turned on the radio. A song came on that expressed exactly how I feel about you, and I knew that contacting you was the right thing to do.

Just listen to the song... It says it much better than I can...

B.

I clicked on the attachment that accompanied Brian's email and cautiously turned the volume on my computer up. I was afraid that the song would be telling me that it was over. A sad love song was the last thing I needed at that moment. 

As the song started, I sucked in a breath and I'm almost certain I didn't let it go at any point during the entire song.

"Find me here  
Speak to me  
I want to feel you  
I need to hear you  
You are the light  
That's leading me  
To the place  
Where I find peace again  
You are the strength  
That keeps me walking  
You are the hope  
That keeps me trusting  
You are the life  
To my soul  
You are my purpose  
You are everything  
And how can I  
Stand here with you  
And not be moved by you  
Would you tell me  
How could it be  
Any better than this  
You calm the storms  
You give me rest  
You hold me in your hands  
You won't let me fall  
You still my heart  
And you take my breath away  
Would you take me in  
Would you take me deeper now  
And how can I  
Stand here with you  
And not be moved by you  
Would you tell me  
How could it be  
Any better than this  
Cause you're all I want  
You are all I need  
You are everything  
Everything  
You are all I want  
You are all I need  
You are everything  
Everything  
And how can I  
Stand here with you  
And not be moved by you  
Would you tell me  
How could it be  
Any better than this  
Would you tell me  
How could it be  
Any better than this"

When the song was over, I was sure that I was going to die because life could be no better than Brian telling me those things, even if his vessel was someone else’s song. I laid my head down on the desk and I let myself cry. I couldn't believe that it was possible that we were actually getting a second chance.

***

Brian POV

I have to admit, the waiting was a bitch. I sat in my loft, in the dark, alone that night, hoping that he would call. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t drink, but I smoked about two packs. I was anxious and needed something to calm me down. 

When the phone rang around midnight, I nearly hit the ceiling. I took a couple of deep breaths to calm myself before I hit talk on my phone. “Hello?”

“Hi.” The familiar, nervous voice was like music to my ears.

“Hey.” I was smiling, thrilled that he called, and I’m sure he heard it in my voice because he perked up. 

“I got your email.” He sounded a little emotional. “It was beautiful.” I could tell he was crying a little bit. 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you.”

“I understand.” He took a deep breath, obviously preparing himself to say something. “So, where do we go from here?”

“Let’s just see where it takes us?” I suggested, still not ready to make any solid plans or promises about where we would go and what we would do. Promises and plans were the things that ruined relationships… they were always broken.

“I like that idea.” I had a mental picture of Justin beaming, the “sunshine” smile lighting up his face and I knew that we would be okay. It was a wonderful beginning and I fully intended to take advantage of the second chance I had gotten.


	3. Chapter 3

I want somebody  
Who cares for me passionately  
With every thought  
And every breath  
Someone who'll help me see things  
In a different light  
All the things I detest   
I will almost like  
I don't want to be tied  
To anyone with strings  
I've carefully tried  
To steer clear of those thing  
And when I will sleep  
I want somebody  
Who will put their arms around me  
And kiss me tenderly  
-Depeche Mode 

As my plane touched down in New York, I felt a shiver of anticipation run up my spine. In a few minutes I would see Justin for the first time since I had last visited the Big Apple when he had his show. In the two weeks since I sent him the email with the song attached, we had spoken on the phone for hours every night before we retired to bed. I knew that my phone bills were going to be outrageous, but I wasn’t particularly concerned about it. On one occasion, I was on the phone with Justin from the time I got home from having drinks with the guys at Woody’s until my alarm went off to alert me that it was time to get ready for work. 

During our phone calls we talked about everything from what was going on in our lives and "we all’s" lives, to current events and our opinions on world issues. One of the things that I admired about Justin was not only that he had firm, informed opinions, but that he was very vocal and felt strongly. So many people in my life back down on their opinions when they find out that mine are different. Justin holds strong and never backs down. A lot of people don’t like that, but I both admire and respect it.

Our conversations were also making me open up with him more and more as the days passed. I had yet to tell him that I loved him with those three little words, but in my opinion I had expressed it in other ways and I hoped he understood that saying it for the first time while we were on the phone seemed so wrong to me. Saying you love someone for the first time over the phone is like saying it to someone when they’re walking away. You don’t have to see the immediate reaction, so it’s not as scary.

I have to admit at that point I was tired of taking the safe route when it came to my emotions. The safe route never helped when it came to Justin. As a matter of fact, taking the safe route had almost cost me my relationship with him completely. So I was preparing myself to take chances with him and trust him. 

Not an easy task when you’ve had the life I had, everyone I had ever trusted had let me down in some huge way. I can’t really remember exactly when I stopped letting people in, probably sometime during my childhood, even though with Mikey, Debbie, and Lindsay I had made exceptions.

So, now that I was giving up the safe route and taking a chance at letting Justin in, I was planning a grand gesture in classic Brian Kinney fashion. It was a little strange to me to plan a grand dramatic gesture when it wasn’t to push someone away. Never had a I planned something like this to bring someone closer to me.   
Oh, the things that boy made me do.

So I walked off the plane, looking for the familiar blond head. It barely took me a moment to find him. It was like I was drawn to him, I suppose I always had been. He was standing waiting for me, a big "Sunshine" smile on his face. I felt my heart swell and found myself smiling brightly back at him.

Our reunion reminded me of some stupid old movie where the estranged couple run to each other, dropping their bags, throw their arms around each other and hold on for dear life. I surprised myself, however, by not caring too much about the opinions of the people around me. All I cared about at that moment was feeling Justin in my arms again.

"How was your flight?" He asked. 

"It was alright." I shrugged. "I couldn’t wait to get here though, so it felt like the   
longest flight ever." I grinned and threw my arm around him while grabbing my small suitcase with the other and leading him towards the exit.

"Is that all you brought?" He asked, eyeing the small bag. He was very perceptive.

"I have a closet full of clothes at the office." I admitted. "I hate packing for business trips, so I just bought a bunch of new suits, and bought some clothes to wear to the clubs and left it all there."

"Why don’t they just get you a place here?" Justin asked. 

"We’ve been talking about it." I told him as we climbed into a cab. "But I can’t relocate here completely, Gus needs me."

"When did you turn into such a great father?" Justin asked teasingly, kissing my cheek.

"Is that all I get? A kiss on the cheek?" I asked, not wanting to get into a discussion about relocating at the moment.

"Mmmm. No, you get more than that." Justin smiled and molded his lips to mine. We kissed for long moments before the cab driver grunted and asked us where we needed to go.

***

"Nice place." I said looking around Justin’s industrial looking loft. It was huge and very artistic. Half of the main floor was Justin’s studio space, separated only by a couple of Shoji screens that were splattered with paint. There was canvases all over the place, some painted, some blank. There was a big steel cabinet that I assumed held his paints. On the other side of the room was a sitting area with big overstuffed chairs, a matching sofa, and an oddly shaped coffee table. In the corner was a big black TV cabinet that held the TV, stereo, VCR, and DVD player. Right near the door was the kitchen. "How did you find it?"

"This guy I know from the gallery found it for me a couple of months ago. Before that I was living in a shitty bachelor apartment." Justin walked up behind me and slipped his hand into mine. "Let me show you the rest." 

He led me up a steel spiral staircase towards the middle of the room and I found myself in the bedroom. There was a skylight right above the huge bed in the center of the room. At the far end of the room there was an open washroom, only the toilet shielded by another Shoji screen.

"There’s another bathroom downstairs. This is my private one." Justin explained. Also in the bedroom space was another sitting area, this one more intimate. There was a comfortable chaise in the corner surrounded by pillows, some large and some smaller. Justin saw me examining the sitting area and said, "That’s where I read."

"You read?" I raised an eyebrow comically.

"I’m not just a pretty face you know!" The younger man laughed and tackled me to the bed. 

"You’re a pretty face?" I asked teasingly before he started tickling me. I’m not sure how long we rolled around on the bed, but I was surprised that he’d gotten strong enough to hold his own when we wrestled around.

"You give?" He asked, face red, as I collapsed to the bed. I nodded, trying to catch my breath. He laid his head down on my chest and smiled contentedly. "I missed this."

"What? Reminding me what an old man I am?" I slapped his butt before wrapping my arms around him and pulling him closer.

"No." He kissed my neck. "Having fun and just fooling around with you." Justin snuggled as close as he could to me and closed his eyes. I closed my eyes as well and we fell asleep.

When I woke, the sun was setting behind the horizon and the loft was beginning to get dark. I felt around for Justin before opening my eyes and found that he was no longer in the bed with me. I listened and heard him puttering around downstairs. I got up, ran my fingers through my hair and walked down the spiral staircase to find him busily working in the kitchen.

"Whatcha doin’?" I asked him as I slipped my arms around his waist and rested my chin on his shoulder.

"Making some dinner." He replied and I could hear the smile in his voice. "You must have been tired, you slept for a long time."

"Well, this annoying guy has been keeping me up all night lately." I kissed his neck. 

"Ohhhhh!" Justin turned in my arms and pressed his lips to mine. Soon, he was pressed against the fridge and we were both breathing heavily.

"Wow…" I breathed as we separated.

"You can say that again." He pushed his fingers through his hair and smiled. "You better sit over there or dinner will burn and we’ll never eat."

"Ya, I better." I said, but made no move to get away from him. I started kissing his collarbone and he giggled. "You’re such a teenage girl." I teased, slapping him on the butt and moving over to the other side of the counter.

"I’m making ravioli." He said and before I could make my standard comment about carbs, he continued, "And don’t act like you’re gunna get fat if you eat it."  
I didn’t reply, I simply stuck my tongue out at him. "How long til it’ll be ready?"

"About fifteen minutes." Justin estimated.

"I’m gunna go take a shower and change my clothes." I stood and kissed him over the counter. "I’ll be quick though."

***

After the delicious dinner that Justin cooked for us, we laid on his couch and watched a movie. I was dozing in his lap as he stroked my hair. "Brian? Are you   
sleeping?"

"Nu uh." I mumbled, my eyes still closed.

"Do you want to go to bed?" He chuckled.

"Bed?" My ears perked up and a smile formed on my face. "Yes, bed seems like a wonderful idea." I stood and pulled on his hand. As he turned off the lights and set the alarm, I walked upstairs and started undressing. When he finally appeared at the top of the staircase, I was laying on the bed with nothing on but a smile.

"Well, well, well, aren’t we anxious." He chuckled and climbed into bed with me. As soon as he was close enough, I attacked his mouth in a passionate kiss. His clothes were strewn across the room in record time and I reveled in feeling his body against mine.

"God, Justin." I moaned as he pressed kissed down the sensitive skin of neck and nibbled at the skin on my collarbone. "I’ve been dying to feel you."

"Mmmm." He hummed against my skin as he moved further down my body. When he found my nipples, he stuck out his tongue and flicked the sensitive tip before laving the entire thing with his tongue. I tangled my fingers in his hair, urging him on. He moved to my other nipple and gave it the same treatment before moving down between the muscles in my stomach.

My dick was as hard as it’s ever been as I felt him run his tongue down between the crevice where my abdomen met the top of my thigh. He took his time, licking every inch of my skin, avoiding my dick studiously.

"You’re going to kill me, Justin!" I groaned, throwing my head back and tangling my fingers in the sheets. Hearing my plea, he relented and poked his tongue out between his lips and licked a line down the underside of my shaft. He teased gently with his tongue, flicking at the sensitive knot of skin where the head of my cock met the shaft.

"Like that?" He asked, with a big grin, knowing that he was torturing me with the slow pleasure he was giving me. Before I could speak to answer him, he captured the head of my dick in his mouth and sucked hard.

"Ohhhhh!" I moaned, arching my back. 

As he slowly pulled my length into his mouth, he reached up and played gently with my nipples. When he felt my beginning to stiffen, he pulled his hand away from my nipples and gently cupped my balls as his mouth and hand worked my dick into a frenzy. Just as I was about to cum, he stopped and sat up, proud of himself.

"You stopped…" I breathed, feeling frustrated.

"Well, I do want you to fuck me tonight, so I couldn’t just make you cum." He grinned and reached into the bedside table pulling out a small tube of KY and a small silver packet.

"You’re forgiven." I smiled evilly before grabbing him by the waist and pushing him onto his back beneath me. I captured his lips with my own as I slid my hand between our bodies to grasp his dick.

"Ughhhhh!" He moaned, delighting in the feel of my hand on the sensitive flesh.   
"Brian, don’t stop!"

I jerked him slowly, sitting up to watch his face as he felt the pleasure I was bringing him. I moved onto my knees and pulled his legs up onto my shoulders.   
Knowing my intentions, Justin grabbed his legs and held them up for me. As I pressed the pad of my thumb against the tight ring of muscle, he let out a small moan.

"Brian! Hurry!" Justin panted, urging me on by pulling legs even closer to his body, revealing more of himself to me. "I can’t wait!!"

Obliging him, I prepared him with the lube and my fingers, the whole time listening to him beg me to fuck him. Finally, he was ready and I slipped the condom over my cock and positioned myself at his entrance. As I pushed inside him, and felt him open for me, I threw my head back and closed my eyes. The pleasure was so immense that I started to feel light headed.

As I got my bearing I started thrusting inside him slowly until he couldn’t take it anymore and begged me. "Harder, Brian! Faster!" He moaned. I began thrusting faster and built up speed over time. We were both lost in each other, our head thrown back, guttural moans escaping our lips.

"Ohhhhh!" Justin moaned, and I knew he was close. "Brian!! I’m… uhhhh… I’m cummmmmmmmming!!" As the word escaped his mouth I felt his muscles clench around me and cum splashed up onto his stomach and chest.  
Feeling him tighten around me, I felt my own release approaching and grabbed his hips, thrusting into his as deeply as I could. 

As I came down from the intense orgasm, I fell on top of him and closed my eyes. I was asleep in minutes.

***

As the sun rose and lit up the loft with their rays, Justin and I woke together, wrapped in each other. "Morning, Sunshine." I whispered, kissing his forehead. He snuggled closer to me, unwilling to let go.

"This is so perfect." He smiled, snuggling in closer. "Are you sure you have to go to work today? Can’t we just stay like this forever?"

"Unfortunately, I have a meeting in about two hours, so yes, I have to go to work." I didn’t want to leave any more than he wanted me to, but I knew it had to be done. "Besides, Mr. Famous Artiste, you should get some painting done… or something… Whatever it is you do." I joked as I slipped out of bed and walked towards the washroom.

"Can I paint you?" Justin asked, still curled up in the bed.

"You’ve painted me a million times." I reminded him.

"I meant, would you pose?" Justin sat up and regarded me hopefully as I opened   
my shaving kit.

"You want me to, like, sit still forever while you paint me?"

"You wouldn’t necessarily have to sit for too long… I could sketch you and take   
some pictures… It would only take an hour or two." Justin looked like a puppy dog, up on his hands and knees on the bed.

"Will I be rewarded for my patience?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. Justin, still acting like an anxious dog, bounded towards me and slipped his arms around my waist. 

"Trust me, baby." He whispered in a sultry voice near my ear, sounding nothing like the cute little puppy I was comparing him to. "It’ll be a reward you’ll never forget."

"I think we have a deal." I kissed him as I walked up backwards towards the shower, pushing him into the stall and turning on the water. 

***

After a long day of meetings and touching base with all of the managers that ran the New York office, I trudged into Justin’s apartment, wanting nothing more than a nice quiet evening with my "baby".

"Hey, Bri." Justin smiled as I walked in the door.

"Hey." I tried to smile, but I was too exhausted. 

"I called your office, but you had already left. I ordered Vietnamese food. It   
should be here in about twenty minutes." I nodded and dropped my briefcase, opening my arms for a hug. Justin slipped into my arms and let me lay my head on his shoulder. "Long day?"

"Oh yah." I breathed.

"Why don’t you go grab a shower before dinner. It might wake you up some." Justin smiled and urged me upstairs and helped me into the shower. I really didn’t need his help, I wasn’t THAT tired, but I liked that he was being all nurturing.

"Thanks, baby." I pressed a kiss to his lips before stepping under the spray and letting the water wash over me.

After my shower I was substantially more awake and Justin and I managed to have a conversation about our days, and about the rest of my stay during dinner. After we were finished eating, Justin urged me to relax and promised that he’d clean up the dishes. I grabbed the novel I had been reading out of my briefcase and slipped on my glasses a little self-consciously. I hadn’t planned on wearing them around Justin, feeling a little silly, but I needed them to read.

I was lost in my book when a camera flash temporarily blinded me. I looked up and Justin was standing in front of me with a small digital camera in his hands.   
"What are you doing?" I asked, immediately pulling my glasses off.

"Don’t move. This is what I want to paint. Just keep reading and I’ll get everything I need." Justin had an enthusiastic smile on his face and I couldn’t help but oblige him. I slipped my glassed back on and settled back into what I had been reading. 

I tried hard to ignore the camera flashes, but it was near impossible. He took about a million pictures of me before settling down in front of me with his sketchbook. Knowing that you’re the object of scrutiny makes concentrating very difficult, but I knew how much he wanted to paint this, so I pretended to read as he sketched furiously, turning the page often to start a new sketch.

When he was finally done, he knelt at my feet. "Know what those glasses make me think of?"

"What?" I asked, closing my book and looking down at him.

"Clark Kent. Mild mannered reporter by day, Superman by night." Justin smiled and placed his hand on my thigh. "They’re very sexy. There’s something about a man in glasses."

"Yah?" A grin crept onto my lips and I raised an eyebrow.

"Yah." He moved his hand higher on my thigh.

"Does drawing make you horny?" I asked, amused.

"Drawing you does." He slipped his hand behind my head and pulled me down   
for a kiss.

***

After three days of staying with Justin, we had fallen into a very comfortable routine, and I was surprised at my reaction. I was actually happy to spend the evenings in with him instead of going out to the clubs. Friday night arrived and I knew Justin was curious as to what I had planned. I told him that I had a big surprise and that he would have to wait and see what it was.

When I walked into the loft, he was sitting on the couch waiting not-so-patiently. He turned and looked at me with a big grin on his face. "Hey, Bri." He smiled and bounded over to me, pressing a kiss to my lips.

"Hey, baby." I smiled. I knew that he was dying to know what his surprise was. I liked that even though he had grown up a lot in the time we had been apart, there was still some of that youthful enthusiasm inside him. I was certain that he would like this surprise much better that the hustler birthday surprise.

"So..." Justin was obviously getting impatient.

"So what?" I asked, enjoying watching him squirm.

"When are you going to give me my surprise?" Justin asked. He looked like he was about to start bouncing up and down. 

"Give? Who said anything about giving?" I asked, raising an eyebrow and touching his cheek.

"I just assumed..." Justin looked nervous. 

"I should make you wait another day. Or until my next visit." I put on a very convincing serious face.

"Briiiiiiiaaaaaannn!" He whined. I started to chuckle.

"Get your coat, you impatient little twat." I hurried upstairs and changed into jeans and a tank top, grabbing my leather jacket. I walked downstairs and Justin was all ready to go, and standing by the door.

***

"What are we doing here?" Justin asked, looking up at the tall old building in Manhattan.

"You'll see." I said with a smile, handing him a blindfold. He looked at me curiously, but when I said nothing he slipped the blindfold over his eyes and took my hand. 

He was getting more and more anxious as I led him to the elevator and then down the hall once we reached our destination floor. "Brian! Where are we?"  
"You'll see." As I led him into the apartment, I took a deep breath. Once we were inside and the door was closed, I slipped the blindfold off his eyes. As he took in the large candlelit living room he looked surprised and confused.

"Brian, this is beautiful, but I don't get it." Justin looked down at the blanket on the floor and all the food that was on it.

"Well, this is my new place. Part time." I told him. I watched a series of emotion cross his face until a huge smile grew on his lips and he threw his arms around me.

"Like half the time?" He asked after we broke apart.

"Yes, honey." I said, tongue in cheek.

He attacked me again, throwing his arms around me. "Oh, Brian!" He exclaimed. "You have no idea how happy I am."

"Yes, I do." I said quietly. I took a deep breath and sat him down on the blanket. "I love you, Justin." 

Justin stayed silent and tears came to his eyes. I watched as he let them fall and stared at me silently. He finally reached over and took my hand. "I love you, too... But you already knew that." 

I reached over and pressed a soft kiss on his lips. 

***

The next morning, Justin woke up early and was ready to go by 9am, urging me to hurry. I had promised him the night before that I would let him help me decorate the new apartment and that we would spend Saturday shopping. 

“Let me sleep!” I grumbled. “You kept me up all night fucking, I just need another hour!” I pulled the pillow over my head and tried to block him out. Suddenly, I felt the pillow wrenched from my hands and I was on my back, Justin holding me down.

“We have to get going now!” He said, pouting. “It’s going to take all day to find furniture for your place.” He took my hand and pulled me from the bed. 

“Slave driver.” I grumbled as I climbed into the shower and let the warm spray wake me up. “Didn’t even get a good morning fuck,” still grumbling.

After my shower, I dressed in a comfortable pair of black pants and a tight red sweater. I figured that if I was going to be forced to furniture shop with Justin all day, the least I could do was make him horny as hell in the process. I knew he loved when I wore red, he’d told me a million times.

“Ooh.” Justin grinned as I walked down the stairs, socks and black boots in hand. Justin was sitting at the kitchen table reading the Arts & Leisure section of the newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. “You look sexy today.”

“Don’t I always?” I asked with a grin as I poured myself a cup of coffee.

“You sure do.” Justin winked and went back to the newspaper.

“Well, are we leaving?” I asked a couple of minutes later, having downed my coffee in record time.

“Yup.” Justin smiled and stood. He moved faster than I’d ever seen him this early in the morning and was at my side in a flash.

***

After a long day of shopping, I lay on Justin’s couch exhausted, reading my novel. Justin was still surprised that I read as much as I did, as I had never been much of a reader before. The younger man was making a dinner that smelled absolutely delicious. Neither of us was really in the mood to talk, both a little sad that I had to leave the very next day and I wouldn’t be back for a couple of weeks.

“Hey, Bri?” Justin asked. I sat up and looked at him, closing my book and putting it down on the table.

“What’s up, baby?”

“Two weeks seems so long.” He walked around to my side of the couch and sat down on my lap. “I was thinking that maybe I could come visit you next weekend?”

“Sure, if you want.” I nodded. “Gus would love to see you again, and I’m sure the ‘We all’s’ do too.”

“What about you?”

“I always want to see you.” I smiled and wrapped my arms around him.

“It still throws me a little when you say stuff like that.” Justin replied with a giggle.

“Gee, thanks.” I rolled my eyes. It kind of bothered me when he said things like that. I knew that I was a lot more open than I was the first time he and I were together, but I didn’t want to hear about it all the time. “Don’t tell the ‘We all’s’ alright?”

“Never!” Justin chuckled. “I wouldn’t want to ruin your reputation. I kind of like being the bad ass’s boyfriend.”

“I always knew you did.” I nipped at his ear. “Now, when is dinner gunna be ready?”

“Right away, honey!” Justin batted his eyelashes and bounded off to the kitchen.

***

“So, I guess I’ll see you in a few days?” I asked, not willing to say goodbye just yet. I couldn’t believe that an entire week had passed since I had arrived in New York. The week had been incredible and I was sure that I made the right decision in staying with Justin.

“Yup. I booked a flight to the Pitts online last night. Will you pick me up at the airport?” Justin squeezed my hand. I knew that he didn’t want to let go either.

“What time does your flight get in on Friday?” 

“2:15.” 

”Shit! I can’t. Can you get your mom to pick you up? I can pick you up at her place. I’m in meetings until 4:30 on Friday afternoon.” I actually thought it might be a good thing that Justin see Jennifer right when he got to town. I wanted him to myself for most of the weekend, and dinner with Mrs. Taylor was definitely not “alone time”.

“Ok, I’ll call her tonight. If she can’t, I’m sure someone can. Maybe Emmett or something.” Justin slipped his arms around my waist and I knew that it was time to say goodbye.

“I’ll call you when I get back to the Pitts.” I said, hugging him close.

“K. I’ll be waiting.” Justin turned his face up for a kiss and I leaned down a pressed a long, lingering kiss onto his lips. “I’m gunna miss you.”

“Me, too, baby.” I nuzzled against his neck. “Now, I’d better get going… Wouldn’t want to miss my flight.” I smiled and kissed him one last time before picking up my bag and walking through the doors of the terminal. It was going to be a long 5 days…


	4. Chapter 4

Brian POV

The meeting felt like it was taking a decade. I’m sure it was because I was anxious to go over to Jennifer’s and pick up Justin. Once 2:15 rolled around, I had lost any concentration on the meeting I may have had. I knew he was in town and I was completely lost in thoughts of him. I must admit, that bothered me a little. It was still a new thing to me to be that way about someone. Never in my life had I been as I excited about anything as I was at the thought of seeing Justin. I suppose it had always been like that. Even back in the early days I would check out Babylon, pretending to be cruising tricks, when I was in fact looking to see if he was there. 

So there I was, stuck in some boring meeting about a boring campaign for a boring client, lost in thoughts about how great it was going to be to see my lover again. He had called my office when his plane landed to let me know that he had arrived safely and that he’d be waiting at Jennifer’s condo for me to pick him up.

“Well, I think we’re all done here.” The aforementioned boring client said with a smile. “I’ll have my assistant call to finalize the details and we can get all of the papers signed early next week.”

“Thank you, Mr. Thompson.” I said, forcing a friendly smile. “I’m glad you’ve decided to go with Vanguard.”

“I’m sure I’ll be just as glad, Mr. Kinney.” The man smiled and packed his things up to leave. 

As soon as the client was safely out the door, I hurriedly got ready to leave and made my way down to the parking garage to my Jeep. I think I made it to Jennifer’s condo in record time, especially considering the traffic, and I hurried to the front door. Before I could even knock, Justin flung the door open and leapt into my arms. One would think it had been weeks or months instead of mere days since we had seen each other. 

“I missed you!” Justin exclaimed, as he pressed kisses all over my neck.

“You’re just like a puppy.” I smiled as we parted. When he looked a little bit disappointed, I added, “I missed you too, Baby.”

“Hello, Brian.” Jennifer Taylor said from inside. “It’s been a long time.”

“Hello, Mrs. Taylor.” I smiled politely. 

“It’s good to see you again.” She seemed actually sincere as she said this and it threw me off a little. I had gotten used to her barely tolerating me, so her being pleased to see me threw me for a loop.

“Same here.” I nodded.

“Well, I’m sure you guys have a lot of things planned for this weekend, so you should go. But Brian, make sure that you get my son to come visit more often.” Ahhh, so that’s what it is, I thought to myself. Jennifer is just happy that Justin will be visiting more.

“I will, mom.” Justin looked in my direction and rolled his eyes dramatically. I had to stifle a laugh so that Jennifer wouldn’t see. He could still be quite the drama queen. We headed out to the Jeep and as soon as we were inside, Justin attacked my mouth with his own.

“It’s so good to see you again.” I said with a smile as I took his hand and started the vehicle. As we drove I told him of all the plans I had been informed that we had for the weekend. The “we all’s” had been calling all week to get slotted in for their time with Justin. After a quick stop at the loft to drop off his things and change, we were meeting the boys at the diner for dinner and the heading over to Woody’s and Babylon, just like old times.

“Geez, am I ever going to get you alone this weekend?” Justin whined, bringing my hand to his mouth and kissing my knuckles.

“Oh, that’s only today.” I shook my head and continued. “Tomorrow the Muncher’s are expecting us for brunch and then I promised we would take Gus on an adventure while they do some shopping.”

“And after that?” Justin asked, sure that there was even more fun with the “we all’s” to come. 

“After that, it’s dinner with Deb, Vic, Michael, Ben, and your mother.” As we pulled up at a red light, I looked over at him. He didn’t look particularly pleased. “What are you thinking?”

“I came here to visit with you! Not with everyone I ever knew while I lived here.” He was pouting and I just had to comment.

“You look cute with your lip sticking out like that.” I winked as he threw me a look. “Don’t worry, Sunshine. It’ll be me and you time after all the family fun, and I’m turning off the phone and locking my door all day Sunday so we can be alone.”

“Maybe I should change my flight to Monday morning instead of Sunday night?” He suggested, obviously wanting to spend more time with me. It made me feel good that he wanted to be alone together.

“I’ll be back in New York next Sunday.” I reminded him. He looked over at me, still looking a little dejected.

“But you’ll be working all week.” He seemed to be giving in a little bit.

“And you can have me to yourself every night and the whole weekend. We need to see everyone while you’re here. Remember, I have to see these people on a regular basis and I don’t want to be the one who hid their Sunshine away from them all weekend.” I saw him smile at my rationalization and I knew that I had saved myself from having to watch him pout all weekend.

“Ok. But next visit I want you all to myself… the whole time!” Justin grabbed my hand again and we continued to talk about the weekend’s activities until we arrived at the loft.

***

“Justin!” Emmett exclaimed as the two of us entered the diner. It was kind of weird to walk in there with him again. It was like déjà vu. Being with him again was weird at times, but not so much because our entire relationship thus far had been over the phone and in New York. Now that we were back in the Pitts, I knew it would take some adjustments.

“Hi, guys.” Justin smiled and hugged everyone as they stood to greet him. The boys had secured the extra huge booth so that there was room for all of us. Michael and Ben were in the corner, snuggled up together in such a way that it seemed they had been together for only mere weeks instead of nearly six years. Ted and Jason were on the other side. Jason doted on Ted, while Ted regarded Jason with indifference. I had to chuckle. Oh how things had changed. Ted used to be the one eager for attention. Emmett was alone, his business man from New York having ended things dramatically. “It’s so good to see all you guys again!” Justin seemed enthusiastic and I knew that he meant what he said. No matter how much he wanted to be alone with me, I knew how badly he wanted to see the “old gang”.

“Hey, guys.” I said, sitting down and pulling Justin onto my lap. “Justin, have you met Jason?”

“No, I don’t think I have.” Justin smiled at Ted’s adorable little husband. Five years younger than Ted, Jason was a real beauty. He had thick blond hair and big brown eyes. “Nice to meet you, Jason.”

“Nice to meet you, too, Justin. You’re a big topic of conversation around here.” Jason reached over and shook my lover’s hand.

“I am, am I?” Justin turned to look at me, a smile brightening his face. I played innocent and shrugged my shoulders. If Jason hadn’t been there I would have made some sort of comment about Ted secretly lusting for Justin, but I restrained myself. I actually felt a little sorry for Jason. 

“Well, we have to talk about the biggest success to come out of our little world! The famous artiste!” Emmett said with a flourish. Justin laughed heartily.

“Well, well, well, all the boys are back again!” Debbie said as she looked around the table at all of us. “And all so grown up!”

“If you’re trying to tell us we’re old, we all know!” Ted said monotonously.

“I said grown up!” Debbie smacked Ted across the back of the head. “And you’re all looking great!” She then turned her attention to Justin. “Sunshine, you look gorgeous!”

“Thanks, Deb. You do too.” Justin stood and gave her a big hug.

“Now, I’m expecting you two for dinner tomorrow at seven sharp. I’m making enough pasta to feed an army. And Vic is making his famous Strawberry Shortcake.” Deb smiled proudly before whipping out her note pad and pen to take down out orders.

Dinner was rather uneventful. It was the same old thing… It actually felt like nothing had changed at all in the five years since we had all sat around a table like this. The only thing reminding me that it was different was having my arm around Justin, holding him close to my body. In the old days, I wouldn’t have done that in the diner, especially not on a Friday night when all the tricks were out and ripe for the picking.

Apparently Michael thought it was the same as old times, as he proved when Justin stood to excuse himself to go to the washroom. Michael leaned over to me as soon as Justin was out of earshot and warned, “Don’t fuck around tonight, Brian. He came here to visit you, not to watch you pick up tricks.”

“Pardon me?” I asked, angry at the sentiment.

“Well, Brian…” Before Michael could stutter out whatever excuse he planned to use(,) I cut him off. 

“When was the last time you saw me trick?” Michael searched for the answer for several long moments before I stopped him. “Exactly. So keep the commentary to your fucking self.”

When Justin came back, I’m sure he noticed the tension at the table and he tried his best to relieve it. “So, who’s up for a game of pool at Woody’s?” He asked, with a big smile on his face. Everyone decided to come except for Jason, who said he was tired and wanted to go home.

As we walked to the bar, Ted complained. “See why I need to fuck the pool boy? My partner is the most boring person ever! And this is coming from me, you guys! I used to hold that title!”

“So break up with him.” Justin suggested. 

“It’s not that easy. We’ve been together for three years and we’re living together.” He shook his head. “But I’m telling you guys, he’s going to drive me insane.”

I couldn’t believe Ted. All that time he searched for his lover boy and now he had an adorable, younger man who doted on him and he wasn’t satisfied. I was pretty sure at that moment that good old Theodore Schmidt had gotten too big for his britches.

Justin slipped his arm around my waist and all thoughts of Ted vanished. Feeling him close to me, all of my thoughts were focused on having a good time with the boys and then getting my “Baby” back to the loft.

“How long do you think we have to stay?” Justin asked, mimicking my thoughts. I leaned over close to his ear and kissed the lobe.

“Only what’s necessary.” I whispered.

“Good.”

***

Later that night, at Babylon, the 6 of us were standing at the bar surveying the crowd. The place was packed with hot young fags and I surprised myself by not wanting to drag any of them to the back room. That’s it for you, Kinney, I thought to myself, your tricking days are over.

Somehow, that thought didn’t scare me. I mean, sure, I might miss having only to go out the clubs and pick who I wanted to fuck, but I knew that even if I did choose to do it, it wouldn’t feel good anymore. I only wanted Justin. 

Fuck, when did I turn into a lesbian? I asked myself. Shaking my head, I turned my attention to Justin. “Wanna dance?” I asked him, playfully pinching his nipple.

“Always!” He chuckled and took my hand. The dance floor was packed, but the crowds seemed to part for us. Apparently, no matter what, people still wanted to see what was happening on the “Brian and Justin Show”, even five years later. As we danced, I felt eyes on us from all over. I pulled him close just so that everyone in the club knew that he was mine.

“Come on, you guys!” Michael urged, breaking Justin and I apart. I wanted to turn and slap him for that, but he had a big goofy smile on his face and I didn’t have the heart to do it. “Drinks on me!”

As the six of us stood at the bar, like old times, I couldn’t help but enjoy myself. There was something about feeling carefree again. That was how it how it had always been when the five of us had come out together. 

“Look at him!” Ted pretended to bite on his knuckles as a cute little twink, who reminded me of Justin during his early days on Liberty Avenue, walked by.

“You are such an old perv!” Justin laughed. “You have that adorable Jason at home, why are you out here hitting on young boys?”

“That adorable Jason is an adorable bore!” Ted sighed dramatically.

“So are you, Theodore!” I teased, sliding my arm around his shoulder. 

“Fuck you, Brian.” Ted trailed off as he caught site of a hot young thing giving him the eye. “If you’ll excuse me.” He winked before walking away and approaching the young man.

“Such a perv!” Justin giggled, snuggling closer to me. “Can we leave now? I want to go back to the loft!”

“Guys! We’re off!” I announced. “Justin and I haven’t seen each other in a week. I’m sure you understand. We’ll see you guys.” I led Justin out of the club, all the while whispering what I was going to do to him when we got back to the loft.

***

As Justin and I lay naked and sweaty after a long, passionate bout of love making, Justin snuggled against my chest. “I got a call today from a gallery owner.” He told me.

“Yah?” I asked. I was anxious to hear about it. Justin’s an amazing artist and I was proud that he was starting to become known for doing what he loved. “What’d he say?”

“She wants me to open in her gallery.” Justin smiled as he ran his fingertips up and down my chest. “It’s in London.”

“Really?” I sat up and leaned down to kiss him. “That’s incredible, Justin! I’m so proud of you!”

“But I’d have to be away for like a month.” He had obviously put off saying yes until he talked to me. I obviously wanted him to go. Sure, I’d miss him, but his career was important and I’d still be there when he came back.

“Justin, this is an amazing opportunity!” I told him, sitting him up and taking him by the shoulders. “You can’t turn this down.”

“Ok.” Justin nodded and a smile grew on his face. “Will you come to London for the night of the show?” When I looked like I was going to say no, he started to beg. “Oh, Brian! I need you there! You missed my showing in New York, I need you to be at this one.”

“I’ll be there.” I assured him, stroking his hair. After he was asleep, I looked down and watched him. He looked incredibly peaceful. I still wasn’t sure how I was going to do with the whole relationship thing in the long run, but I had to admit that I was pretty happy with it right at that moment.

***

The next morning, I awoke to the warmth of Justin pressed against my chest and wrapped in my arms. “Good morning, Sunshine.” I whispered, disengaging myself from his arms. Looking over at the clock, I saw that it was already ten and we were supposed to be at Lindsay and Melanie’s place by ten thirty.

“Fuuuuuuuck.” I grumbled. I had been looking forward to spending some time with Justin before we had to leave for brunch. This visit was turning into a circus and I promised myself that the next time Justin was in town, I was locking us into the loft and spending the entire time together.

“What’s matter?” Justin groaned, as he woke up. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and smiled in a cute, drowsy way.

“We have to be at the Muncher’s place in half an hour.” I leaned down and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Let’s shower and then get going.”

“Bri, if we shower together, you know we’re going to be at least a half hour late.” He winked. “You go ahead. I’ll make a pot of coffee.”

“Mmm.” I smiled. “You’re an angel.” 

After my shower, I found Justin sitting at the counter in my kitchen having a cup of coffee and looking through the newspaper. I dressed casually, in a pair of worn jeans and a thin silk t-shirt.

“Your turn!” I called as I slipped my socks on.

***

“Justin!” Both Lindsay and Melanie practically shrieked as the enveloped Justin in a hug. Justin smiled and kissed both of their cheeks, enjoying the attention. 

“Good morning to you too.” I said dryly, stepping past the group hug and into the house. “Sonny boy!” I called. Gus appeared at the top of the stairs and came bounding down, flying into my arms.

“Daddy!” He exclaimed. I hugged him and spun him around. I guess Michael was right when he said I might turn into a good father in spite of myself after I had stopped the bris.

“How ya’ doin’, Sonny Boy?” I asked him, putting him down on the floor, preparing myself for his answer.

“I’m SO good, Daddy. We’re learning about dinosaurs at school and I learned how to do multiplication this week!” My son was talking a mile a minute. Suddenly he stopped. “Uncle Justin?”

“Hey, Gus.” Justin smiled. I was a little confused. I hadn’t been aware that the two of them seen each other since before we broke up. “How are ya?”

“It’s SO good to see you, Uncle Justin!” Gus flew into Justin’s arms for a hug. “It’s been like a million years since I saw you!”

“I know!” Justin put Gus down and pulled out a wrapped gift from his messenger bag. “I brought you a little something from New York.”

“Whoa! Can I open it now?” He asked as he shook it and tried to figure out what it was. Justin looked at Lindsay and she nodded.

“Sure, you can open it now.” He replied. Gus fell to the floor and started ripping at the paper. I took the opportunity to step over to Justin.

“When did you see him?” I asked.

“Uhm, when Lindsay and Melanie were in New York last summer visiting Mel’s grandmother, they came and visited.” Justin looked a little nervous about my reaction. I decided that I should just let it go. I mean, we weren’t speaking at the time and I didn’t like to hear about him, so it wasn’t a surprise that Lindsay had kept their visit a secret.

“Wow!” We heard Gus exclaimed, once he had finally gotten through the paper. “It’s the new Intergalactic Man DVD! You can’t even buy this yet! My friends are going to be soooooo jealous! Thank you soooo much Uncle Justin!”

“Your welcome, Gus.” Justin smiled and winked at me.

“How did you get this?” Gus asked, still looking down in awe at his gift.

“A friend of mine works for the production company. When I mentioned that I was going to be visiting my favorite little boy, he got me a copy.” Justin opened his arms and Gus launched into his arms for a hug.

“You are soooo cool!” Gus grabbed Justin around the neck and hugged him even tighter. “Are you going to visit more often now that you and Daddy are back together?”

I raised an eyebrow and waited for Justin to answer. I was hoping that he would visit more, but I was trying not to look to the future too much. Taking a relationship day by day was a new thing for me and I was finding it kind of difficult. The first time he and I were together I pretended that I was taking it day by day when I was, in reality, strategizing my every move. This time I was determined to just let myself be, no matter how much I wanted to fight it.

“Well, I hope I’ll be visiting more.” Justin said with a smile in my direction. In response, I smiled and Gus whooped.

***

After spending an hour eating brunch with the Muncher’s and watching them fawn over Justin, we got Gus ready and climbed into the Jeep. Gus was talking a mile a minute as I drove towards the mall.

“Daddy, do you think we could get me some new shoes today? There are these great shoes that everyone at school has.” Gus had the special look that he reserved for when he wanted things from me on his face.

“Why haven’t your Mom’s bought them for you?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. I didn’t want to get in trouble with them. Last time I bought him something that they had told him he couldn’t have. I’d had to sit through an hour-long lecture about spoiling him.

“I… uhm…” Gus bit his lip. “I didn’t tell them about them,” he started speaking really fast. “Last week I heard them talking about how we have no money ‘cause Mom’s engine in her car ‘sploded.”

“Exploded.” I corrected him gently. “I’ll think about the shoes, you can show them to me at the mall.” I knew that in the end I would buy them for him. There were only two people that I couldn’t say no to, Gus and Justin.

Once we arrived at the mall and found a parking spot, I got Gus out of the back seat and took his hand. When I was out with him, I tended to be very protective. I heard all of the horror stories about kids being abducted and I wasn’t about to let that happen to my son.

The three of us walked inside and Gus immediately dragged us to the shoe store. Apparently, getting the shoes that were so popular at his school was top priority for him that day. And at that point I knew that I’d be pulling out my credit card and shelling out however much his shoes cost.

After buying the shoes, I had a very excited Gus clinging to my arm. Justin took hold of my other hand and we strolled through the mall. After stopping at several children’s clothing stores and buying a ton of clothes for Gus, we stopped by the restroom so that Gus could change into one of his new outfits, a pair of slim black pants and a beautiful green cashmere sweater.

“He’s starting to look more and more like his dad every day.” Justin chuckled, seeing Gus in his outfit. “Don’t you have that exact same outfit in grey?”

“What’s the problem with having a well dressed son?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. I slipped my arm around Justin’s waist and kissed him. Suddenly he got a strange look on his voice and I wasn’t sure that I was going to like what he was about to say.

“I have an idea.”

“Oh, Lord.” I groaned.

“Shut up!” Justin smacked me playfully in the arm. “This is a good idea. When we were walking through the mall I saw a portrait studio. I was thinking maybe me, you, and Gus could get a portrait taken.”

I stayed silent for a moment, considering what getting a portrait of him with me and my son taken would mean. And then I stopped that train of thought and decided to just go with it. I had to very consciously stop myself from holding back when it came to Justin. I think that I must have hesitated too long though, because he got a little nervous.

“I’m sorry. It was a stupid idea.” He looked down and his shoes and started fidgeting with his zipper.

“No, baby. No, it wasn’t.” I put my hands on either side of his face and gave him a sweet kiss on the lips. “It’s a great idea. Let’s go see if they can fit us in.”

“Wait, Bri. I think you and I need to change. We can’t get our pictures taken when we’re wearing this.” Justin gestured to his baggy grey sweatshirt and painter’s style jeans. I had to admit that I wasn’t too keen on getting my picture taken in my beat-up old t-shirt and worn jeans.

“What am I going to buy at the mall?” I asked with what I was sure was a disgusted look on my face.

“I’m sure we can find you something.” Justin pinched my butt just as Gus stepped out of the stall wearing his new outfit.

“Wow, Gus, you look like such a gentleman.” I said with a smile as I tousled his hair. “There, perfect.”

“How would you like the three of us to get our picture taken together?” Justin asked Gus, kneeling in front of him.

“Like in a photo booth?” Gus asked with a big smile on his face.

“No, like a real photographer. Like when you got the picture taken with your mom’s that’s over the fire place.” I told him.

“Will I have to wear a stupid tie?” Gus referred to the exceptionally dorky outfit that the Mommies made him wear during their photo session.

“No. You can wear that outfit. Or whichever one of the new outfits you want.” I told him. I was such a sucker for my son.

***

After spending an hour shopping for clothes that I would actually wear, Justin and I were suitably outfitted for the photo shoot. Before going in search of our outfits we had made an appointment for the photos and arrived at the studio right on time.

“Well, aren’t you a precious little guy.” The girl at the counter said as she pinched Gus’s cheek. “And you look so much like your handsome daddy.” She was flirting with me and I had to stifle a laugh. Straight women were so predictable. If a woman had just once said to me “Hey, let’s fuck” I might have turned out straight… or maybe not.

“Everyone says I look more like Daddy everyday.” Gus said proudly. I smiled and slipped my arm around Justin. The girl became suitably uncomfortable and led us into the room where we would have our pictures taken. 

I think all three of us were surprised at how much fun it was to have our picture taken. The photographer, quite obviously a fellow fag, also suggested that Justin and I have a couple of pictures taken together. After the session, we sat down and picked out the photos we wanted from the computer and picked our packages. We ended up with packages of three different poses of the three of us and one of just Justin and I.

When we walked Gus up to the front door he clung to Justin’s hand. I could tell that he wasn’t ready to say good-bye. I took the packages we’d bought inside and gave the two of them time to say their good-byes. Ahh, we were such a dramatic bunch, even my young son. I’m sure that must have come with my genes.

“Linds! Mel!” I called when I got inside. Melanie came running down the stairs, and seeing that Gus wasn’t with me started to get hysterical.

“Where is he? What happened?” She asked, grabbing the throat of my sweater. I chuckled and cocked my head to the side.

“He’s out on the porch saying good-bye to Justin.” I told her. She let out a sigh of relief, but got wound up again when she saw the many packages in my hands.

“Brian! You’re going to spoil him rotten!” She exclaimed, grabbing the bags and starting to go through them. “Brian! All of this stuff is so expensive!”

“Well, I want my boy to be well dressed. He picked them all out himself.” I knew it was a thin excuse, but I had to make one. “And I made sure there was nothing you guys had already said no to. And I bought him a new pair of shoes.”

“Could you spoil him any more?” Melanie asked, all in a huff. I’m pretty sure she gets like that because she knows that even with her good salary she could never afford to buy him the things that I can.

“Brian, where’s Gus?” Lindsay asked, a little panicky, as she came down the hall from the kitchen.

“He’s outside. I thought he and Justin could have a private good-bye.” I told her.

“Oh, Brian, that’s so sweet.” Lindsay smiled and kissed my cheek. “I have to say this. I’m so glad that you decided to contact him.” She was absolutely beaming, as everyone had been when it came to Justin and I getting back together. It was a little weird to me that, other than Mikey, my friends weren’t waiting for the shoe to drop when it came to Justin and me. They always had been before.

***

After leaving Lindsay and Melanie’s house, Justin and I barely had an hour before we had to be at Debbie’s for dinner. I hated being so rushed and I vowed that I would never let the “we all’s” plan out Justin’s entire visit ever again. I couldn’t wait until after dinner when I would finally have Justin alone.

“Should I just wear this?” Justin asked, looking at himself in the mirror. He was still wearing the outfit he bought at the mall.

I shrugged, not particularly concerned with what he was wearing, as long as I could get it off of him in less that two seconds flat once we were alone again. “It’s not like Deb and your mom are fashion gurus.”

“So true.” Justin laughed. Satisfied that he looked ok, he took my hand and led me to the couch. He pushed me down and sat down on my lap. “Jeez, I feel like we haven’t been alone since I got here.”

“We barely have.” I reminded him. “Next time you visit, I’m not telling the ‘we-all’s’ that you’re coming.” I nuzzled against his neck. “It was nice spending time with Gus, though.”

“Yeah, it was.” Justin smiled brilliantly. “I’m so glad we got those pictures taken.”

“Me too. I’m gunna put one on my desk.” I took his hand and brought it to my lips. “Will you put one in your studio?”

“Of course.” He smiled and leaned down and kissed me. As the kiss turned more passionate and he started slipping his hands under my shirt, I knew that I had to stop him or we’d never make it to Deb’s.

“Whoa, baby. We’ll have tons of time for that later.” I kissed his lips softly. 

***

When we arrived at Deb’s, Michael and Ben were already sitting at the table laughing with Jennifer. I had to admit, it was kind of nice to having dinner with them again. My mother hadn’t been in my life for a long time now and it was nice to feel like I was part of a family.

I couldn’t believe the things going through my head. I was still working through moving forward and letting myself go with my feelings. It was still foreign, but there was something comforting about it. 

During dinner, we all laughed along with each other’s anecdotes. When the conversation had slowed, Michael stood up and said that he had an announcement to make. I was tempted to make a sarcastic comment, but he looked serious and I decided to keep my mouth shut.

“Me and Ben decided that we’re sick of waiting for it to be legal, we’re going to get married.” Michael was beaming and I decided that it would probably get me into a lot of trouble to razz him about it, so I kept my mouth shut.

“Oh, congratulations, baby!” Deb exclaimed. In the time that Michael and Ben had been together, Ben had become a part of the family and she had gotten over being scared for him when it came to Ben being positive. She leaped up and enveloped her son in a hug, moving on to hug Ben immediately following hugging Michael.

“Congratulations, you guys.” Justin smiled and hugged the both of them as well. I felt somewhat obligated to offer my congratulations, so I did. 

Michael was a bit taken aback when I congratulated him with a hug and a little kiss. “He’d better take care of you.” I warned, leaning my forehead against Michael’s.

“And me him.” Michael smiled and hugged me again. I knew that my approval meant a lot to him, and I was happy that I was finally able to give him that.

***

Stuffed from dinner, Justin and I lay in bed together resting before we started getting physical. I think we were both too full to do anything sexual at that moment. I was stroking his forearm when he said, “God, I’m not ready to go home tomorrow.”

“I’m not ready for you to go home. But you have to go and get ready for your big show in London.” I smiled, proud of all the things he was doing with his life.

“You’re going to come for sure, right?” He asked, seeming a little unsure that I would be there for him.

“Of course I’ll be there. I wouldn’t miss it.” That seemed to satisfy him and we moved on to other topics.

“Can you believe that Michael is getting married?”

“Well, he and Ben have been together for a long time.” I shrugged. I was finding it a little hard to believe myself. “And Michael always wanted to be in love.”

“With you.” Justin said.

“Put your claws away, kitty cat.” I chuckled. “Michael and I wouldn’t have lasted more than a few minutes. He doesn’t have it in him to put up with my shit.”

“Not many do.” Justin teased. “That’s probably the only reason you’re with me – Because I’m the only person who can stand you.” I turned on to my side and looked at him.

“Yeah, that. And you’re young and cute.” I winked and kissed the tip of his nose.

“Hey, I have a surprise for you. You can’t keep it though. I just brought it to show you.” He rolled off the bed and walked to where his portfolio lay in the corner of the room. He pulled out a canvas and I was anxious to see what it was.

“Show me.” I whined, impatient. When Justin turned the canvas around and showed me what was on it, I nearly fell over. I had seen portraits he’d done of me many times, but most of them were sexual or angry, I sadly have to admit. This was completely different.

It was obvious that he’d used the sketches and photos from the night he caught me reading at his loft when I was in New York. It made me feel good that he’d captured me that way. It was different, even different than I had ever looked at myself. I looked peaceful. Content. He had painted me with my glasses on, which I still wasn’t sure I liked. But other than that, I was absolutely amazed at how beautiful he made me look on canvas.

“Justin…” I took a deep breath, still staring at it. “I don’t know what to say.” I stood and walked over to him. “I love you so much.”

“I love you, too.” He said with a gentle smile, looking up at me. We stared into each other’s eyes for what seemed like an eternity before I leaned down and captured his lips.

***

After a long morning of lying on the couch together making fun of TV evangelists and discussing what was happening on CNN, Justin packed up his things and we got ready to go. We had to stop off at the mall to pick up the portraits and swing by his mother’s condo to say goodbye and then it was off to the airport. 

I had to admit that I didn’t want to say goodbye. I knew that I would talk to him every night before bed, but it still wasn’t as good as having him around. I was starting to worry about how I’d react to having him gone for a month.

“Brian? Can I leave some clothes here so I don’t have to bring as much next time?” Justin called from the bedroom while he packed his suitcase. I grabbed my coffee mug and walked into the room.

“Sure. Here, let me clear a drawer for you.” He looked pleased at my saying this, and I felt my heart swell. I loved making him smile like that. “Leave whatever’s dirty in the hamper and I’ll send it out with my laundry.”

After all of the clothes were arranged, Justin finished throwing things into his bag and we were ready to go. “I’ll probably bring a few more things to leave here next time if that’s alright?”

“Of course. I’ll make some room for you.” I said as I rinsed out my coffee mug. “So, you ready to go?”

“I guess.” Justin grabbed his bag and we were off. 

***

After all the errands were done and the goodbye’s said, we held hands as we drove to the airport. “So, do you have a busy week ahead?”

“It’s always a busy week when I’m going to be out of the Pittsburgh office.” I groaned. “And I have a meeting on Tuesday with Vance tomorrow to discuss the big campaign I’m pitching while I’m in New York.”

“Will I still talk to you every night?”

“Of course. I’ll call you when I get home.” I smiled and squeezed his hand. It was kind of hard for me to have to reassure him that things were going to be okay, but it kind of reassured me as well.

We hugged for a long time at the gate and I knew right then that our relationship had moved to another level… I was just a little scared that I was going to ruin it, but like I had been doing with most of my doubts, I pushed the bad thoughts away and just lost myself in our embrace.

“Later.” Justin whispered with a small smile on his face as he stepped away from me, holding my fingers in his.

“Later.” I leaned forward and kissed him as he moved away and we slowly let our fingers slip apart. About a minute after he disappeared through the doors, I turned and walked out of the airport, anxious for the week to be over so I could see him again.


	5. Chapter 5

Brian POV

London. I was so anxious on the five hour flight to see Justin that I was shifting in my seat so often that the lady sitting next to me probably thought I had hemorrhoids. It had been three weeks since I'd seen him and his schedule had been so crazy since he'd arrived in England that we'd only been able to talk on the phone a couple of times a week. They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, I'm 100% certain that they're right about that. I'd been going crazy without my daily fix of Sunshine. It was all worth it though. Justin was thrilled to be showing in London, and it made me so happy to see him that way. 

In the two months after his first visit to the Pitts and before his departure for England, we'd spent as much time together as we could. I had spent a total of three weeks in New York and he'd visited Pittsburgh twice. Justin and I had been leaving more and more stuff at each other's places in New York, and a lot of Justin's things seemed to be migrating to Pittsburgh, and I was starting to wonder about our living arrangements.

Justin had told me several times that an artist could work anywhere, but I wasn't sure that I could ask him to live with me, moving between New York and Pittsburgh all the time. I didn't know if that was fair to him.

Things between us had been extremely comfortable and every so often a feeling of dread would come over me that I would lose him. He and I had never been able to make things really work for more than a few months at a time, so I often found myself wondering when the shoe would drop. The "We All's" were very supportive of us, for once, and I think that had a lot to do with us being able to keep things together. It's amazing how much easier it is to do something when you don't have all the people you care about betting against you.

But now, I was starting to want more. I wanted more time with him. I wanted to wake up with him every morning, and know that he was going to be there when I got home from work. Our visits made me so happy because we never made a point of doing "visit things", we just lived. I wanted that everyday. As soon as we were together, it was like we had never been apart. I wanted to be able to sit and read or work and know that he was just through a doorway or across the room.

Now, I know what you're thinking. Is this really Brian Kinney talking about wanting all the things that he used to hate? Sort of. You'll still never see me in the matching suits taking vows and pledging eternal love. And I definitely don't want the house with the white picket fence and the golden retriever. Lucky for me, Justin doesn't want that either. What I really wanted more than anything is just to have him with me, just to be a normal couple. A couple that doesn't have to leave the state that they live in to see their partner. That's not so strange, is it?

I resolved to broach the subject gently sometime during the week that I'd be in London with Justin. He was really excited about the show so I was going to wait to talk to him about it after the opening, just in case it didn't go well. I didn't want him to be upset with me and then have his night ruined by it. I had everything worked out in my head, I just hoped that I could get it all to come out the way it is in my head. I know that I can't ask him to travel back and forth with me all the time, that would be selfish. I'm going to ask him to maybe move some more of his art supplies to Pittsburgh, visit more often. And also, I'm going to ask him about sharing an apartment in New York. There's no need for us to have two places since whenever I'm in town, we stay together. And as much as I love my Manhattan apartment, I was hoping that he'd suggest we share his place.

I shifted in my seat once more, shooting the woman next to me an apologetic look. I think she took pity on me because she started to speak. "Anxious to get to London?" She asked with a thick Irish accent.

"Yah, my.. uh… My boyfriend has been there for three weeks, so I'm really excited to see him." I admitted. I couldn't believe that I had stuttered on telling her that I was going to see my boyfriend. I was feeling like an awkward kid more than a grown man.

"Does he live there?" The woman asked.

"No, thank god!" I chuckled. "He's an artist and his work is being shown in a gallery in London. The opening is in a couple of days and then he should be coming home a couple of weeks after that."

"You must really miss him." She gave me a little grin and I knew that my feelings about Justin showed on my face. There was some leftover weirdness about letting my feelings show, but all in all I was unfazed by that.

"Yes, after these past few weeks, I never want him to go away again." I was starting to see why people said that it was easier to talk to women than it was to talk to men. She didn't look at me like I was crazy or anything, she just smiled. 

"Where is his stuff showing?" She asked me. When I told her, she smiled. "That's not too far from where I'm staying. Perhaps I'll stop by there and see his work, hmm?"

"Yeah, that would be great. I'm Brian Kinney, by the way."

"Rian Sullivan." She shook my hand. "It's nice to meet you." 

The rest of the flight, Rian and I talked and got to know each other and I asked if she'd come to the opening and meet Justin. I knew that he would like her. She accepted and told me that she'd see me there. 

When we got off the plane, I hurried to where Justin would be waiting for me. I saw him and smiled, he looked just as anxious as I was. When he saw me, his face lit up and he hurried over to me. 

"Hey!" He exclaimed before launching himself at me and hugging me. "It is so good to see your face. I missed you so much."

"I missed you too." I pulled back a little and kissed him. "Did you get a lot done?"

"Oh yah!" Justin took my hand and we made our way to the baggage claim. "You wouldn't believe how much work there is when you're doing an opening. And with this one I spent so much time unpacking and cataloguing all the pieces that I sent out here. It was insane."

I smiled and squeezed his hand. I was content just to listen to him talk. He told me all about what he had been doing while in London and about all the things that he wanted to show me while I was there.

"Being that I'm working with so many people who live here, I've found a lot of great places that most tourists would never find." Justin smiled at me happily. 

"Can't wait." I said with a smile. "Can we go to your hotel and spend some time there before we go out and see the sights?" I winked and he chuckled.

"Been going crazy without me to satisfy your urges?" He grinned.

"Roger's been doing a good enough job." I said, hoping to get a reaction.

"Roger?" Justin raised an eyebrow. I don't think he was sure how to take my response. We'd never talked about monogamy, and I'm pretty sure he didn't expect it of me. But I hadn't fucked anyone but him since that first night that I saw him again in New York.

"Roger Long."

"The porn star?" Justin asked in shocked. "You fucked Roger Long, the porn star?"

"I didn't say anything about fucking him." I laughed. "But his new film, Who Wants To Fuck A Millionaire, is absolutely fabulous."

"You shit!" Justin said as he slugged me in the arm. I wondered if this little conversation was going to lead to another, more serious conversation about our relationship and it's boundaries. I hoped it did so that I had an easy lead in to me living together idea. 

"Oh, come on, you know that some light weight like Roger Long could never make me feel as good as you do." I nuzzled his neck and the Sunshine smile was instantly back on his face. 

"Aren't you just being a little sweetie today." Justin teased.

"A little sweetie??" I gave him what I hoped was a death glare. I don't think anyone had ever called me a "sweetie" in my life. 

"Sorry." Justin chuckled. "A big manly sweetie." He burst out laughing and I promised myself that he would pay for it later.

"You're so funny, Sunshine. Stick to art. Comedy isn't your forte." I rolled my eyes and put on my bored face. I didn't hold it for very long though, I was having a lot of trouble with my masks whenever Justin was around.

"Come on, let's get your stuff and get back to the hotel so that we can fuck ourselves into oblivion for the next twelve hours." He panted against my ear.

"Good plan." And I went into super mode, intent on getting back to the hotel as quickly as humanly possible. Three weeks without fucking Justin was far too long.

*~*~*

As soon as we were in Justin's room in the Hazlitts hotel, I started to laugh. "Of course you would pick this place," I chuckled. 

"Well, there are some very naughty things we could do with the four poster bed." Justin winked and suddenly I was filled with all sorts of ideas that would keep Justin and me in his room as much as we possibly could.

"How'd you afford this place?" I asked. I knew that the hotel was expensive, and I found it hard to believe that Justin could afford to stay there for 6 weeks.

"You're forgetting that my painting's sell for $25,000 and more." Justin winked. "I might even be richer than you at this point."

"The how come I'm still working?" I joked. "How come I'm not a kept man yet?"

"Well, if I were to keep you as my kept boy, what would I do with Raul?" Justin said completely seriously and it took me a minute to realize that he was kidding.

"You're gunna pay for that little remark, Sunshine." I growled and started to chase him towards the bed. I caught him at the edge of the elaborate four poster.

As soon as we hit the mattress, all teasing was forgotten and we were on our way to making up for lost time. Ours mouths found each other in record time and we lost ourselves in an intense kiss. Kissing has always been an important part of sex for me, but kissing Justin is like nothing I've ever experienced.

 

*~*~*

"So, have you been keeping busy with me away?" Justin asked me as we sat in a trendy little restaurant near the hotel in Soho.

"If I hadn't, I would have jumped on a plane and came to see you two and a half weeks ago." I admitted. It was true, I had been keeping myself really busy with work to stop myself from missing him any more than I could stand.

"I missed you, too." Justin said, looking up at me from lowered lashes. He looked so much younger than his twenty-five years when he did that and it brought me back to the early days of our relationship, when he was still a teenager.

"You were too busy being a rich, famous artist." I pretended to pout. I was in a playful mood, and felt like having Justin "make it up to me".

"I'm a rich, famous artist who can't stand having his boyfriend across the ocean." Justin smiled. "Next time, you have to come visit me every weekend."

"Make me your kept boy and I'll be all over it." I chuckled. It was nice that we had become financially more equal and I could joke about him being rich.

"You're a little old to be a boy toy, don'tcha think?" Justin laughed. "Unless I was like eighty."

"You're looking for a red bottom, little boy." I threatened chuckling. I never thought that as I became older, I would become more comfortable with age, but I had. I hadn't lost my looks, I still looked thirty, and while I didn't have sex as often, I was still satisfied. Maybe even more so because now I only had sex with Justin.

"Promise?" Justin grinned. 

"There are some very naughty things that we can do on that bed in the hotel." I winked. I was so happy to see him again that I knew my good mood couldn't be spoiled by anything. Well, maybe one thing….

*~*~*

"Are you okay?" I called through the bathroom door. Justin had kicked me out right after the first time he threw up, said that he didn't want me to see him like that.

"Uh huh…." The muffled response through the bathroom door was followed by the retching sound. I wished that there was something I could do to help him.

"Can I come in?"

"Noooo!"

"Jus…"

"Go away!" I knew that Justin was embarrassed that he got sick on my first day in London, but all I really wanted was to help him. Obeying him, I went over and sat down on the bed. 

I didn't know what to do. What I wanted to do was go in there and rub his back, like I did for Gus when he was sick. I think Justin was scared for me to see him like that, he didn't feel comfortable enough with us for that. That kind of made me sad. 

I picked up a book and started to read, I figured that the only way I wasn't going to barge into the washroom to help was to keep myself as occupied as I could. About a half hour later, I heard the door to the washroom creak and a pale, sweating Justin appeared. He looked terrible, but I didn't dare tell him that.

"How are you?" I asked him.

"I think I must have eaten something bad at dinner." Justin groaned and curled up on the bed. "I hope this goes away before the show."

"I'm sure it will, baby." I put down my book and slipped off my glasses before climbing onto the bed with him. Unsure of how he would react to my touching him, I reached out and touched his hand softly. I felt a little better when he intertwined his fingers with mine.

"I'm sorry I got so sick." He whispered looking me in the eye.

"Hey, you just worry about getting better." I winked. "We have a whole week together."

"Brian, I know you weren't planning on coming to London and listening to me puke." Justin looked even more miserable.

"Baby," I said pulling him a little closer, "I'm happy to be here with you, no matter what, okay?"

"Are you sure?" Justin looked like he was seventeen again and I felt my heart swell. I liked that he still felt vulnerable when it came to our relationship. It kept me from feeling completely emotionally retarded.

"I'm sure." I leaned over and kissed his forehead. "Don't worry about being sick while I'm here, okay?"

"Okay." He agreed with a small smile. 

*~*~*

~ring, ring~

"Brian, can you get the phone?" Justin called weakly. I chuckled. He'd definitely taken me on my word when I said not to worry about being sick. Since the moment I spoke those words, Justin had me waiting on him hand and foot.

"Yah, I got it." I replied. "Kinney General Hospital." I answered.

"Brian?" Jennifer's voice floated into my ears and I immediately regretted answering the phone the way I did. "Is everything okay?"

"Everything's fine. Justin has a touch of the stomach flu, no big." I wanted to downplay everything as much as I could. I knew how Justin's mother could be when she was in coddling mode.

"I'm downstairs. What room are you in?" 

I groaned inwardly. I knew that as soon as Jennifer saw Justin, pale and sweating, she was going to freak out and Justin and I wouldn't get a moment's peace until he was better, or it was time for her to leave England, whichever came first.

"Jenn, I don't know if Justin wants any company right now." I improvised. "Why don't you get settled into your room and then call us a little later?"

"Brian Kinney!" Shit. "You tell me which room you two are in immediately so I can come and make sure my son is okay or I swear I will start banging on every door in the building."

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

"We're in 316." I said quietly. Who'd have thought a petite blonde woman could put me in my place the way Jennifer Taylor could. Mother's can be scary.

"I'll be up in two minutes." Jennifer paused. "Can you make sure you're dressed, please?" Her afterthought almost made me burst out laughing, but I held it back. Jennifer had seen me au naturel far too many times.

"Of course." With that, I hung up the phone and walked over to the bed. "Your mom is on her way up."

"Fuck!" Justin exclaimed with as much force as he could muster in his weakened state. "Please, please, don't let her get all Mommy on me! She's worse than Deb when I'm sick."

"I'll try, but your mom is fucking scary." I commented. 

"Big Bad Brian Kinney is scared of my mother?" Justin chuckled. "That's something I thought I'd never see."

"Fuck you. You said yourself that she's worse than Deb. And Deb is fucking terrifying most of the time." I grabbed a wet cloth and gently swabbed his head with it. 

"So true."

"You look like shit." 

"Gee, thanks, honey." Justin stuck out his tongue at me. 

"I'm only telling you so that you can expect your mother to be completely freaked." I pressed a kiss to his temple. "At least she didn't see you last night."

"I hate you." Justin groaned miserably. 

"Oh, come on. You know that looking like shit is still beautiful when it's you." I said, hoping to make him smile.

"You're only saying that so I don't dump your ass when I get well." He grumbled.

"Don't be such a Ted Schmidt." I teased him. "I've never seen anyone whine like him, but you're getting there."

"Fuck you." He rolled over and buried his head in the pillow.

"Can't right now. Your mom warned me not to be naked when she got here." I informed him. 

"Seriously?" Justin rolled back over to look at me, laughing.

"Well, remember last time?" I raised an eyebrow as I reminded him of his last visit to Pittsburgh when his mother had invited her into the loft to find us licking whipped cream off of each others bodies.

"The time before that was worse." He countered. It was true actually. She came to New York to surprise him and she caught us in the midst of fucking on the counter, his wrists bound behind his back with my tie.

I was about to answer when the loud banging on the door interrupted me. "And there goes our peaceful day alone at the hotel." I grumbled as I made my way to the door to our room. I paused a moment, to put on my Justin's-Mom-is-here-and-I-don't-want-her-to-start-hating-me-again face.

"Jennifer!" I said with a smile as I pulled open the door. 

"Where's my son?" She asked, frenzied. I stood back and gestured to the bed, where Justin was once again curled up in a ball facing away from the door. "Sweetie, are you okay?" She asked in that saccharine sweet tone of voice that mother's use when their children are sick or hurt.

"I'm fine, mom." Justin grumbled, still not lifting his face from where it was buried in the pillow. Suddenly, Jennifer whirled around and faced me looking ready to pounce.

"Have you taken his temperature?" She demanded.

"No, he's not warm." I didn't know what else to say.

"Have you felt his forehead?" She raised an eyebrow and looked like Melanie did when she was "protecting" Gus against me.

"Yes." I sighed.

"He looks sweaty."

"It's from the puking." I replied, regretting my words immediately.

"He's been vomiting?" Jennifer raced over to the bed and sat next to her son. "Honey, have you been able to keep anything down?"

"I haven't tried to eat anything." Justin replied. "I'll be fine, mom."

"Have you seen a doctor?"

"He says he's fine, Jenn." I stepped in. I knew that if I didn't, she would drive him crazy. "He doesn't want to see a doctor."

"Well, doesn't this make it easy for you, Brian." Jennifer stood and glared at me. "He could be dying and you wouldn't let that interrupt your plans, would you?"

"Pardon me?" I was shocked that she'd spoken to me with such hostility. 

"You heard me." Jennifer stood her ground. "Did you even plan on staying here with him or were you planning on going out and shopping or clubbing?"

"Mom!" Justin suddenly bolted up in bed, and I was a little scared of what he was going to do. "I'm twenty-five years old! I don't need anyone to take care of me. And I most certainly don't need my mommy!"

"Justin…"

"No, Mom, listen to me. Brian has been here with me since the first time I threw up last night. He only left the room once when I asked him to get me some ice. He's been taking care of me. And that's how it should be. He's my lover, and that's what lover's do." Justin looked really upset.

"Justin, I didn't mean to…"

"What? Insult Brian and me?" Justin glared. "Get out, mom. Go to your room. Go to Harrods and shop. I don't really care where you go, just don't be here."

"I'm sorry, I…"

"I'll call your room when I'm feeling better." Justin rolled over and both Jennifer and I knew that the discussion was over.

"Brian, I…"

"Jenn, you really should go." I interrupted her. "I'll make sure he calls your room once he's feeling better."

"How dare you!"

"Mom!" Justin sat straight up in bed and glared at his mother. "Would you please just get the fuck out!"

Jennifer lifted her hand to her throat and I knew that she was very upset. Without another word, she turned and walked towards the door. Once the door was open, she paused and looked back at her son. It wasn't until she knew that she wasn't going to be invited to stay that she turned and walked out.

"You shouldn't have freaked on your mom like that." I said softly as I crawled onto the bed once the door was safely closed behind Jennifer. "She was only worried about you."

"There's no need. I have you here, I don't need my mommy." Justin grumbled. "And she didn't have to be so rude to you."

"I'm used to it." I shrugged. It was true, sharp words from the women in my life were something I'd become accustomed to. With Deb, Lindsay, Mel, and now Jennifer it was hard not to be used to it.

"That doesn't matter. She had no right." Justin snuggled deeper into the bed. "Now come over here and cuddle up to me and make me forget all about my mom turning into the Evil Dragon Lady."

"You sure you want company?" I asked.

"Yes! The only way I'll feel better is if you cuddle up to me." Justin sighed a little and lifted the duvet for me to slip in. I stripped down to my briefs and climbed in next to him. As soon as I was settled down on the bed, Justin curled himself against my body and succumbed to sleep.

I watched him sleep for a while, thinking about the direction our lives were taking. It was hard for me to imagine what life would be like had I not decided to let him go all those years ago. Again, I was comforted by the fact that I knew I did the right thing sending him with Ethan. With me, he wouldn't have had that chance to find out who he is. And we probably wouldn't have stayed together much longer than we did anyways. 

I know I had growing up to do, too, I admit it. I had stopped growing up sometime when I was in college and I needed to really figure out that being a grown up wasn't about being successful in work and having nice things. In those five years that Justin was gone I figured out that the most important success was having people who loved and trusted you, who you loved and trusted in return.

And now I had it. 

My son adored me, and I would do anything for him.

I had Lindsay and Michael, who had always loved me and I'd always loved. But now I respected them and treated them the way they deserved to be treated. It felt good.

And I had Justin. 

My Justin. As much time and strength it had taken me to trust him and let myself love him, I knew I'd done the right thing. For the first time in my life, I really felt like things would be okay. I'd never felt that before, not even when we were together the first time. Sure, I'd been happy, I'm not going to deny that. But I was still so fucking terrified of being comfortable that I never was. 

But now, things were different and I was finally ready for the relationship. And that felt better than I ever expected it to. 

*~*~*

I woke up to the sound of music and smiled. I could hear Justin singing along softly, obviously trying not to wake me. Rolling over quietly, I found him swaying around the room, tidying. There wasn't really anything to tidy, the previous day I'd been tidying intermittently throughout the day because there wasn't really anything else to do.

It was obvious by the way Justin was swaying that he was feeling much better, if not completely cured. He was swaying his hips and singing the chorus to the song, horribly out of key, I must say. But he looked happy.

"Morning, Sunshine." I said softly, alerting him to the fact that I was awake.

"Hey." He turned to me and smiled. "I hope I didn't wake you."

"No, it was just time to get up." I reached out my hand and he moved back to the bed and clasped it in both of his, sitting down next to me.

"How are you feeling?"

"A hundred percent better." He smiled brilliantly and I knew that he was telling the truth. "It must have been one of those 24 hour bugs."

"Good. Then we can go out and have a little fun today." I smiled and pulled him closer. "But first, you can strip and get in here with me. We have a whole day of lost time to make up for."

"Ooh, I like the way your mind works." He grinned and pulled his shirt over his head. 

*~*~*

"You're looking much better today, honey." Jennifer told Justin as the three of us were sitting down to lunch later that day. 

"It must have just been one of those twenty four hour bugs." Justin shrugged as he repeated what he said to me earlier that morning. "We had it in hand."

"I apologize if I overreacted." Jennifer said stiffly. It was obvious from Justin's body language that he was still upset with her, and she was obviously trying to remedy that.

"It wasn't just that, Mom." Justin replied. "You had no right to speak to Brian the way you did. You had no idea what he'd been doing for me and you had no right to tear into him and accuse him the way you did."

"I assure you that wasn't my intention." Jennifer was obviously getting on the defensive a little bit and I was a little scared of where the conversation would end up.

"It doesn't matter whether you intended it, Mom." Justin pushed a hand through his hair. He was trying really hard to keep his anger at her in check. "You barged into our room, interrogated Brian, and then you started criticizing him. You have to understand that I'm not a kid anymore, and from now on, when I'm sick, it'll be Brian taking care of me, not you."

As much as I hated the tension at the table, it felt really good to hear him say that from then on I'd be taking care of him. It assured me that he wanted the same things I did. I needed that assurance sometimes.

"I understand, Justin." Jennifer looked upset. "And I'm sorry if I was rude to you, Brian. I really didn't mean anything I said."

"Sure you did." I shrugged. "But your apology is accepted."

The rest of lunch was somewhat strained, but it was much better now that the scene from the previous day was cleared up. Justin talked about the pieces he had in the show and I was impressed yet again by him. The way he spoke of his work was highly intelligent and it was obvious that he put a lot of thought into what each piece meant to him.

"Any of me?" I asked. I always got a kick out of him painting or sketching me.

"Uhm… Yah, one." He looked a little nervous and I got suspicious. 

"Which one?" I sat back in my chair and regarded him suspiciously. When he said nothing, I thought for a moment about what could possibly have him so nervous. "Is it the one in my glasses?"

He nodded and then looked away. "It's the best portrait I've ever done, and I'm really proud of it, and I wanted to show it. You look sexy in your glasses, you really do." He spoke without taking a breath.

"It's fine, Justin." I said softly, reaching out to take his hand. For some reason, I found myself really flattered that he wanted to paint me in a non-sexual nature.

"You sure?" He asked, biting his lip. 

"I'm sure." We'd completely forgot that Jennifer was there for those few moments and when we looked at her again she was gaping at us in shock.

"You two are…" She paused, searching for the right word. "Like something out of a movie."

"Mom." Justin groaned.

"Thanks, Jenn, I always kind of thought I looked like a movie star." I joked. There was no other way that I could take her comment.

*~*~*

Three Days Later

After having a hugely successful opening, Justin was on a high. After dropping Jennifer off at her room, he and I made our way back to ours, barely able to keep from tearing each other's clothes off. 

"Congratulations, Mr. Artist Man," I whispered in his ear as I nibbled at it's lobe. "With the acclaim you're getting, pretty soon everyone who's anyone will want an original Taylor. And then I can be your kept boy."

"Boy?" He turned his face to me and raised his eyebrows.

"Fuck you." I growled, taking a little nip at his neck with my teeth. "Get the fucking door open so I can fuck you."

"Patience is a virtue." Justin chuckled.

"Shut up." I growled again, reaching down to cup him in my hand. 

"God, Brian." He moaned. "Let me concentrate on getting the door open."

Once we were inside, I pushed him against the closed door and attacked his mouth with mine. I had been thinking about taking him ever since he'd dressed in the skin tight black turtleneck that he'd picked out for the opening. He looked so hot in it.

"Brian, uhn, the bed, take me to the bed." Justin panted. 

"Now who's impatient?" I chuckled before lifting him up to wrap his legs around my waist. I loved that he was slight enough that I could lift him and carry him around, although I'd never let anyone know that. The feel of his legs wrapped around me was incredible, no matter what setting we were in. 

"Don't pretend like you didn't wear that shirt to tease me." He said before running his tongue up and down the length of my neck. He was right, I had decided that if I was going to be tortured by skin tight black cashmere I would torture him with red silk.

"All's fair in fashion." I moved his face back up to mine and nipped at his bottom lip. "The skin tight sweater had me hard all night." 

"You liked that, eh?" He chuckled as I lowered him to the bed. As soon as we sunk into the softness of the duvet, all words were forgotten and we lost ourselves in each other. 

Nearly an hour later as we lay in the big clawfoot tub, Justin sitting between my legs, nestled against my chest, I decided that it was time to ask him about living together. I couldn't think of a better setting. I didn't want him to feel like it was a business deal.

"So, how about we live together?" I asked casually. 

"What?" He tipped his face to the side to look at me.

"Well, we're keeping two apartments in the same city, but we never spend a night apart if we're within 100 miles of each other. So I was thinking that if we got rid of one apartment and made the other one 'Ours', it would work out a lot better." I was sure that my reply had come out sounding like it would be a financial arrangement than a commitment, so I kept going. "And maybe you could spend more time in Pittsburgh with me, keep more things at the loft." 

"Where did all this come from?" He asked softly.

"I've been thinking about it for a while. But if you don't want to, I totally understand. It's probably too soon…" I wanted to get out of the situation without looking like a jerk.

"It's not too soon." Justin replied with a small smile. "But I just don't want to get rid of my place, I love it there."

"Who said it would have to be your place we got rid of?" I asked with a grin. "I could get rid of my apartment and move whatever stuff I have there into yours, put the furniture in storage or bring in back to Pittsburgh."

"You mean, you're not asking me to get rid of my loft?" Justin's eyes were sparkling. 

"I was actually kind of hoping you'd want it that way. I love your place." I kissed his lips. "So, what do you say?"

"I say yes." Justin beamed and rolled over so that we were face to face. "I say definitely, absolutely, one hundred percent yes." He started to laugh excitedly. 

"And you'll come to Pittsburgh with me more often?" I reached up and touched his face to let him know that I wanted more than just to move my stuff to his place.

"How often?"

"As much as possible." I shrugged. "If I had my way, I'd have you with me all the time, but if you can't do that I'll take what I can get." 

"Well, I can work anywhere, so as long as I have supplies and stuff at the loft… I can be there whenever I'm not showing." Justin beamed. 

"So that's a yes?"

"Yes yes yes yes!!" Justin wrapped his arms around me tightly. "I love you." 

"I love you, too." It meant so much to me when we said those words. We didn't say them often like other couples who said them twenty million times a day, we kept it to when it was really important. The rest of the time we just knew.


End file.
